On Having 2 Maids of Honor

I've been meaning to write this post for months now, but I knew it would likely take a lot of time and thought. And I've kind of had a shortage of time and not a lot of functioning brain cells as of late. Working full time, part time, and planning a wedding is no joke, yo!

Anyway.. yes. I have two maids of honor. This wasn't my intention at the beginning - I knew I would likely need to choose between bestie Blondie and bestie Copper.

Both of these ladies are people that I hold extremely near and dear to my heart. Copper and I met on the middle school dance team, so we go way back. Come high school, we became nearly inseparable. As for Blondie, she and I met freshman year of college thanks to being in the same level ballet class. Even though she is more of a "recent" friend in comparison to Copper, her and I quickly became best friends, and it's stayed that way for the past 8 years or so.

I think my story is similar to a lot of people's - you have a best friend from high school or from home, but then you leave for college or a job or whatever. You find yourself occasionally losing touch with those friends from home, and you make new friends. You grow, you mature, you change.. it's a natural part of life.

While Copper and I tend to go through phases where we won't talk to each other for a long time, we have the kind of friendship where we can just pick up right where we left off weeks, months, years ago. What helps is that - despite where we are in life or what we're doing at the time - at the core, we're extremely similar. Our personalities both mesh well yet also compliment each other.

We also share a mutual love for Mr. Potter.

I've also noticed that, as the wedding gets closer, I grow more and more nostalgic about mine and Copper's friendship. We've been talking and seeing each other more over these past few months, and it makes me absolutely hate the fact that she's several states and several hours away. This girl is going to be in my life for a long, long time - of that I'm sure - but I hate that it has to be so long-distance and occasionally sporadic. She's totes my bffaetddup to the max. (Anyone? No? Just us?)

On the other hand, there's Blondie and I. While the two of us have our differences in personalities and opinions, we just seem to work. I can't even put my finger on it - we may not agree on everything, but when we're together, we always have fun. My best analogy is that she's almost like the sister I never had. She's one of my best dancer friends (and let's be real, us dancers can have some weird thought processes sometimes) and she just kind of gets me. Even after college and with two states between us, we still keep in touch fairly regularly.

Yep. We've perfected the duck face. Don't hate.

Either way, when Foxy and I got engaged, it all came down to the fact that I love both of these ladies incredible amounts, and I'm a terrible decision maker. That, and I really didn't want to have to choose.

And so, twenty six months ago, I asked both Blondie and Copper to be my maid of honors. I'll be honest - two years out is a long time to ask that of someone. There have been times when I haven't kept in touch with either one, when there was some possible tension between all parties involved, etcetera and so forth. There have been questions posed, like who will ultimately stand next to me when we get married? Will both give a toast, or just one? Who's going to spend the night before the wedding with me, and listen to me squeal/cry/stress/get excited? All of which we have found answers to, but not without with a bit of thought involved. It can get a bit tricky, but for me, it's worth it in the end.

And as the day gets closer and closer, I grow more confident in my decision to have both of them stand by my side on mine and Foxy's wedding day. Could I have chosen just one? Maybe. Could I have just scraped the idea and had no maid of honor whatsoever? Sure. But both Copper and Blondie have had such impacts on my life - I honestly wouldn't be who I am today without them there. It's only natural that they both have a special place in both my heart and in the wedding party.

What about you? Did you have more than one maid of honor, or none at all? Was the process of choosing someone difficult for you?

Oh Thank Heaven.

And no, not for 7-11. Even though a slurpee would be pretty awesome right now.

No.. this is a bit more personal than a delicious, cold, icy drink. Bedroom talk, if you will. Me-yow. So consider yourself warned.

Way back in 2010 sometime, I decided to count out the weeks until the wedding to see if I would end up having my "lady friend" on the day of. I'm counting on the fact that you've all done it or thought about it, too. I mean, no one wants that, right? Not just for sexy reasons, but because I'm pretty sure the last thing you want to worry about is your period and taking care of that whole situation down there in a nice white dress. Either way, this is definitely one of my favorite things about birth control: you can predict to the day when you will or won't have Aunt Flo in town. As such, according to my precise counting of every four weeks from 18+ months out, I landed on the conclusion that I will indeed have my period the day/week of our wedding. Well, that's no fun.

I kind of forgot about it since then (ignorance is bliss?), and figured that, the month of the wedding, I would likely just start a new pack of pills before my old one runs out. I've never tried it, but I've heard that this is a good way to stave off your period for another month with no side effects. The problem for me is that I seriously bloat in that week before my period arrives, and just starting a new pack may just make that worse. I'd much rather not be a bloaty mess for my wedding and pictures and following vacation, thankyouverymuch. So.. now what?

Well, just the other day, I remembered this whole predicament I put myself in. With a much shorter time frame ahead of me, I decided to recount the weeks until the wedding once more. This time, I concluded that I should have my lady friend the week before my wedding rather than the week(end) of, thus being in the clear! Not sure where I went wrong last time, but seriously: oh, thank heaven. One less thing to worry about!  ::crossing that one off the list::

Now that I've beyond crossed the TMI line and we've gotten a bit closer, I also want to lightly touch the subject of intimacy surrounding the wedding. The cliché is to have sexy time the night of the wedding, and I honestly always love seeing/reading the polls and threads on the WB boards about this subject: did you? didn't you? first time? etc.

I bring this part up because Foxy recently mentioned abstaining for a month before the wedding, and I couldn't really tell if he was serious or not. It came up kind of randomly, as we were talking about room assignments for the wedding and if we were sleeping in the same room on what will be officially referred to as Wedding Eve from here on in. These are honestly two things I haven't even considered, especially since we've lived together for almost four years now. Is this something I should be considering? Is it worth all the hype there seems to be around wedding night sexy time?

Ohhh the options. What did you/are you doing in terms of pre- and night of wedding? Were you obsessive like me to estimate when you would have your lady friend around the time of your wedding?

It may seem silly, but these little things matter, yo!

Our officant: from none to 1 (to another one)

A while back, I mentioned how our initial choice in officiant, Pastor Tom, didn't work out because he already had another wedding scheduled. He was an ideal choice for several reasons - I've known him and his family since I was a baby, he's a Lutheran pastor, he has a great sense of humor, he did my mom's wedding last year, etc - but alas, it was not meant to be.

I briefly panicked until my mom mentioned that her lifelong friend, Pastor Liz, could be another viable officiant candidate. While I don't know her nearly as well as Pastor Tom, I was open to asking her to do our ceremony - at the time, having a pastor (who was willing to go light on or completely forgo the God speak) was important to me. Well, I thought it was. There was definitely a bit of fuzz between what I wanted and what I thought I wanted because of what I thought my parents wanted. Figure that one out, Sherlock.

So Pastor Liz and I emailed back and forth a bunch, she said she would be open to officiating the ceremony, and we even had a phone call (while Foxy was at work) that kick-started my mind to think about what I/we truly wanted our ceremony to be and what it would ultimately entail. While this was all very helpful and seemed to fit all my previous requirements, something still didn't feel right. I thought I wanted a pastor, but.. maybe I didn't? Maybe a Justice of the Peace would be just fine.. better, even.

To save you time (and because I like lists), here's.. a list.

Pros (of using Pastor Liz):

She's a pastor, something I thought I wanted.

She was willing to work with us on creating a ceremony that was perfect for us, while still maintaining spiritual integrity for her.

She knows me (albeit not all that well.. but still).

I loved the job she did presiding over my mom's wedding last year.

Cons (same category):

...maybe I don't really want a pastor.

She lives in NY, and wanted us to travel up several times to meet with her in person (which is incredibly hard for us to do because of varying work schedules).

The cost kept creeping up.. between her fee, plus her travel, plus her hotel.. it adds up fast.

Foxy has since expressed his discomfort with any God speak in the ceremony. Ok with me, likely not for Pastor Liz.

A lot of these thoughts had been circling in my head for the past few weeks. Conveniently enough, I ended up having a heart to heart phone conversation with my mom the other day, where she randomly "put out there" that it's ok if Foxy and I decide not to use Pastor Liz, even if we've already started talking with her. Honestly..? I didn't realize that. Just hearing her say that sent a wave of relief over my body and mind that I didn't know I needed. At that moment, I knew what I wanted. And it wasn't Pastor Liz.

I relayed all this information to Foxy, we chatted about it for a bit, then decided we would cancel with Pastor Liz (cancel sounds way better than "fire", don't you think?), especially since we had someone in mind to fill in. Not quite a Justice of the Peace, but definitely someone certified in marrying couples. You may recognize her.

That would be miss EAQ219 (no, not our crazy pup.. although that would be awesome)! Miss E and her hubs have become super great friends of Foxy and I, and seeing that she is already in the wedding biz and has some experience in marrying couples.. well, we couldn't think of someone better to ask. She knows both of us, she's sassy and can be a bossyboots if need be (think: rehearsal), she has a spunky sense of humor, and the list goes on. Once we asked her to officiate (and heard her ultimate YES), I had a huge sense of.. well, I'm not sure. Happiness? Relief? Sudden urge to plan my entire ceremony right.this.instant because I was so excited? You get the idea.

So no, E isn't a pastor, but apparently these past few months have brought about a change of mind in terms of what we (I) value in our officiant. And while we aren't using Pastor Liz anymore, she definitely got the ball rolling. I started thinking about my ceremony vision and realized that it would both mean more and be more appropriate if we had a friend do it. And so it shall be!

Did you have any officiant "drama" leading up to the wedding? How did you ultimately decide who to have officiate?

Why we're NOT hiring a videographer

Yes, it's true. The Foxy wedding will be sans videographer and sans lust-worthy highlight reels as such:

Meredith and Tommy from Monachetti on Vimeo.

::sigh:: My ultimate lust.

In all honesty, this decision has been a long battle and a big concession on my part. From the instant we got engaged and started planning a wedding, I always just assumed we would have a videographer.. I just saw it as another staple that you book: venue, flowers, officiant, photographer, videographer, etc. So I started researching local vendors for work samples and pricing, and quickly realized that it would be a huge stretch on our budget if we were to get a videographer. As is often the case, the companies and styles I love are too expensive, and the ones I can possibly afford, I very much dislike. When I finally mentioned all of this to Foxy, his eyes got all buggy and.. hive? He didn't even really know that people got videographers for weddings. Really.

So I freaked, wrote a little post on the boards on how dense he must be, realized that it's apparently not as common as I thought (or, more appropriately, while a lot of people do have a videographer, a lot still don't). This may not be shocking to you, but it was definitely news to me (I blame it on my NY roots!). And so, after 20 months of researching, wiggling the budget, saving, un-saving, more research, and extra work hours.. we're not having a videographer. Here's the reasons:

1. Money

This is a given, but it needs to be said. We simply don't have the budget for one, no matter how you look at it. The overall cost of our wedding is already 2-3k higher than we anticipated it being, and to add another 2k+ to that for video is simply unfeasible. There was a point about two or three months ago where I thought I found a videographer for a decent price (based out of south Pennsylvania & willing to travel); Foxy saw how enthusiastic I was about it and decided (on his own) to work extra overnight shifts one week to help come up with some of the money so we could hopefully afford it. To say this put a strain on our relationship is putting it lightly - I basically didn't see or talk to him for an entire week. We just got our pup the week before, the house was a mess, I was incredibly busy with work.. it just didn't work for us. We're definitely a couple that thrives on quality time with each other, and the whole "passing each other in the night" thing doesn't allow for that.

Furthermore, I'm thinking the reason the PA videographer may be so affordable is because he is just terrible at returning emails or calls. Each email took at least 3 weeks to return; anyone in the wedding world (or with my lack of patience) can tell you that's not good. So I nixed him, and with that, most dreams of having a videographer that we could afford.

2. I have super awesome friends

There was a night about a month ago where I was expressing my videographer conundrum with some girlfriends, one who got married a year and a half ago, and another who is getting married a few weeks before Foxy and I. You know what? Both were incredibly set in their respective decisions to forgo a videographer. They brought up several good points:

a. we have an amazing photographer who, if she's as good as she seems to be, should be able to recap the entire day in beautiful pictures;
b. in this day and age of social media, pretty much everyone has some sort of video recording device (namely, a phone), and will likely tape some part of the wedding (especially if we ask them to);
c. I really just want certain parts (ceremony, toasts, first dance) recorded and, as mentioned, it should be easy enough to ask someone to do so on their phone or a provided video camera.

Hearing all this reinforced the idea that our wedding will (or should) be well documented and there will likely be no shortage of pictures or video for me to enjoy after the wedding!

3. My Flip Wedding

I originally heard of this through one of the wedding blogs I follow, and I was amazed by its pure geniusness (yes, it's a word). It's basically a service where you can rent Flip video cameras to be used by friends or family and later have Storymix edit various clips taken throughout the wedding day (or weekend!) into your very own highlight reel. The great thing is, after the wedding is done and you upload your videos online, YOU get to choose the content of the video - the clips, the transitions, the titles, the music, etc. Plus, you still get to hang on to all the original content after the edited video is created, so you will still have access to every moment captured.

Image via 1888Stylist

One of my favorite aspects is how customizable the service is - you can rent 1, 3, or 5 cameras and choose from a slew of other options. Prices start as low as $99 (hello, affordable!), and you can even take one of the cameras on your honeymoon in case you want to include any of that in your film as well (preferably not a la Kim K). The more I read into this option, the more I'm loving it - not only would we (hopefully) get the key moments on film, but likely a lot of random, candid shots that would just make it so much better. It's basic, but it's definitely a viable option.

4. I'll live.

While a professional videographer would be the bee's knees (pun totally intended), it's totally ok that we won't have one. I mean, if you have a couple thousand to burn and love us a whole bunch, I will surely take your money and hire someone. However, in the event that no one is willing to host a bake sale to fund a videographer.. I'll live. Happily ever after with Foxy, I might add.

So there you have it. Why we are NOT hiring a videographer. And why we ARE ok with it!!

Anyone else opt against a videographer (or other aspect that you originally thought you'd have)? Why?

When life gives you lemons..

..you make lemonade. Then you add some vodka.

Or Bloody Mary, as the case may be.

I don't know about you guys, but sometimes planning a wedding can just feel so overwhelming. There's so much to think about, to plan, to spend, to have a back up for. I'm sitting here, just over six months out, and having a mini panic attack at everything I still have to do; yet, I feel like I don't know what to do because I have already done so much.

The main things I can think of that aren't done and that could be worked on at this point (invitations, ceremony stuff, jewelry, bridal party gifts).. well, I'm being a lazy butt about them. I know there's stuff I could do, but I'm just not. Between hardly having enough time to eat dinner most nights and only seeing Foxy every few days due to his 12 hour night shifts, I've gotten very procrastinate-y. I have all these ideas floating around in my head and I either have no time to do anything with them, think I should wait a few more weeks/months to actually do something with them as to not have everything done months ahead of time, or choose to watch TV (and have a glass of wine) instead of doing them. It all boils down to avoidance, because it just feels like so. damn. much. sometimes.

I'm aware that part of my current wedding procrastination and anxiety is likely coming from random life stresses and the ever expanding list of requests from friends and family of what should and shouldn't be at the wedding. You know, like what music should be played, what food should be served, who should stay in what room, what the ceremony should entail, what "traditions" we will and won't be doing. The people pleaser in me takes it all into consideration, but the kick-ass woman (some might say "bitch") in me gets frustrated because this is our wedding, not theirs. Foxy and I claim trademarks on vibe, ideas, flow.. oh yes, and 99% of the funding. The same people who tell me "if you're happy, other people will be happy" are also telling me "well you should really have this and this" and "well you won't have enough food if you just do stations". Please keep in mind these are just general samples, and we are getting them from people across the board.

So I've been getting frustrated, and I've just hit the "pause" button on actively planning, since a lot is, in fact, planned already. And a lot just has so many possibilities that I'm overwhelmed by it all.

Tell me I'm not the only one who gets a little panicked over what is and isn't done for the wedding. Have you ever needed to take a step back and just recharge? How did you deal with outside people's influences?

Officially officiant official

Tip of the day: never say any of those words too much. It gets you all tongue tied and doubting the sanity of the English language.

If you recall, a few months ago I got my hopes up about a family friend (Pastor Tom) officiating our ceremony and was super bummed out when he said that he couldn't do the wedding or even come at all due to a different wedding he will be officiating on the same day. I'm still pretty sad about it, because I know he would have been great and I've known him my whole life - it's only natural that I'd at least want him to be present in some form to celebrate mine and Scot's special day.

So anyway, I didn't have a back up plan because I thought that wedding planning was all sunshine and rainbows and everything would just magically happen. (Or.. I'm just an idiot.) I talked with my (pastor) mom about the situation to see if she had any further insight or suggestions on other pastors who would be willing to officiate a fairly secular wedding, and she immediately suggested her good friend, Liz.

She and Mama S have been friends since they were in elementary school and just happened to follow along a similar life path - both started out in the arts, moved onto theology, and are now pastors in the NYC area. Liz also happened to help officiate and preside over my mom's second wedding last year (just like Pastor Tom!)

Liz and Mama S.. doesn't she make a beautiful bride?!

I was sold. I've met Liz a bunch of times previously and was stoked about the possibility of her officiating - a pastor residing in the Chelsea, NYC area who is similar to my mom? She'd have to be ok with marrying a "spiritual" Lutheran and atheist.. right?

Mama S did the (relatively easy but much appreciated) work of asking Liz if she'd be able and willing to officiate, and procured the magical answer of YES!  I thus emailed her within a few days to double check that all was good and she was indeed open to working with Scot and I on a personalized, unique ceremony. The response I got was as follows:

Hi Steph, I'll be happy to officiate at your wedding, and would like to talk with both of you about it on the phone.  We will also need to find some times to meet in person, but given that we have ten months before the wedding, that should be easy to arrange. Your mom did mention that Scot is an atheist, and that you want to keep the God language to a minimum.  I will ask you to reflect on what marriage means to you and why, in that case, you want a clergyperson to  perform the ceremony rather than someone completely secular like a justice of the peace.   I feel pretty sure  that we can arrive at language that works for the two of you and also has integrity for me, and I am really glad  for the two of you to help write the ceremony- personal is great. Even though I haven't seen a lot of you over the years, your mom and I have been friends a long time and I have  always felt that I know you.  I am really delighted to be able to be a part of your wedding in this way. Liz

I have to tell you, I was a bit thrown off about the question she posed of why I/we wanted a clergyperson to officiate rather than a justice of the peace. My initial reaction was that it was to please my parents and other family, but I knew this wasn't the real or only reason (but it definitely factored into the equation). I thought long and hard about it, and finally emailed back almost a month later. (What can I say? I need my time.)

Liz - Sorry it took so long for me to get back to you - life has been pretty hectic for us, as well! We just moved into  a new house the other weekend and have been in the process of packing and unpacking for a while now. I've been thinking a lot about your question as to why we would rather have a pastor instead of a justice of the  peace - it's partially a difficult answer, and partially a simple one. While we are aiming to keep the ceremony  relatively secular, I still really want part of my upbringing and my family's Lutheran values represented in some  form. We're trying our best to blend my belief's and Scot's into something that represents us each individually  as well as together, and this was the best solution that we came up with. I haven't looked too much into  "typical" ceremony texts and formats just yet, so I am honestly not sure when and where God is/would be  mentioned. I think the most important thing is that we leave it out of the vows, since our marriage is more  about our union and our promise and love to each other rather than it is a religious rite/sacrament. I hope this answers the question and is something that we can work out! Thanks! Steph

I think this summed it up pretty well; I was definitely nervous hitting "send" though. Would that be an "ok" answer? Was her question a lot more loaded than I thought it was? Am I just making up nonsense in my head? Is she silently judging us for not being all that religious?

Her rather quick reply was as follows:

Hi Steph, Actually, the traditional language of the vows, at least in the Episcopal church, doesn't mention God.  The  language for giving the rings does, but it is really easy to drop it.  I understand your desire to craft a ceremony  that reflects both your background and values and Scot's beliefs, and I'm very happy to work with you on that.  As we're working on the ceremony, the question will probably come up again, but not because I think there is  only one right answer and certainly not because I want to push the God language- rather, because it's important  to see how it really can reflect you both individually and together. I hope your unpacking is finished soon and you're feeling settled in to your new place! Liz

From the way the conversation has been going thus far, I think Scot and I are ok with everything and that having Liz officiate will indeed work out. Some people may wonder why I'm putting myself through all of this "trouble" with a clergyperson as opposed to the aforementioned justice of the peace, but it really is worth it to me. If I didn't have some form of my upbringing or values represented on my wedding day, I'm sure I would regret it in the future. It's all about compromise, especially when you and your fiancé come from differing beliefs and backgrounds. This is our compromise, and as long as everything goes smoothly with our ceremony plans, ideas, and future chats with Liz? I'd say it's a go... and that we officially have an officiant!

Did you have to find a compromise of some sort when it came to the wedding ceremony? Was it hard to find an officiant who would work with you?

PS. So sorry about the likely funky formatting - Blogger was clearly NOT cooperating.

Hair's the thing..

The more Foxy and I think about our respective wedding day looks, the more little details we start thinking about. We're not just thinking about the dress, the shoes, the suit, the flowers.. we're also thinking about the hair. More specifically, the length of his and the color of mine.

The shorter story of the two is in regards to Foxy's beard. Currently? He looks like a (super cute) mountain man.

He never just trims - it's either a full beard or completely clean shaven, with a week or two of, in my opinion, decent scruff.

The question for him is at what point does he shave before the wedding? We're thinking of doing a test run.. he'll shave the whole beard off, and I'll take pictures every other day or so to see what "look" we like best. Time intensive? Yes. Worth it? Hells to the yes!

As for me.. well, first thing's first: I am very much a natural redhead.

Correction: natural flaming redhead.

Exhibit A (as if you couldn't see it above):

See? Flames.

I used to loathe my hair when I was younger but always got death threats from friends (coughandmymomcough) if I even considered dying it a different color, like brown. Yes, I actually wanted brown hair.

So I went through a phase in high school where I dyed just the underside of it a bright, Manic Panic blue. Foxy Mama was none too thrilled, but hey - you could really only see it when I put my hair up in a ponytail. Then about two years ago, I decided to go all punk rock and dye the underside black. Foxy was going through a black hair phase and there was extra dye left, so... yea. That happened for a while. Again, really only visible when the hair was up, but it would also occasionally peek through the top layers of my hair when it was down.

Exhibit B:

While I've eventually grown to love having red hair, I'm still not a huge fan of the shade of red I was born with. Just much too bright. Again.. too flaming.

So about 9 months ago, I grew a pair of lady balls and decided to hell with it - I'm dying these virginal hairs of mine! I didn't trust myself to do it out of a box (because honestly, 9 times out of 10, you really can't get a natural looking shade of red from a box), and made an appointment with my stylist for a cut and lowlights. Starting out small and all that.

Well the stylist somehow convinced me to just go with an all over semi-permanent color - I forget the reasons, exactly, but it was cheaper and I trusted her, so all over color it was! But.. you have no idea how nervous I was. After she applied the color and let it sit it my hair for a while, the dye started to look like this bright, maraschino cherry red. I honestly almost started crying and kept whining to my self that mom was riiiiight waaaah.

It was kind of too late to turn back, so I took a deep breath and told myself not to freak until the dye was washed out and my hair was dry. I'm so happy I calmed myself down, because in the end..

Exhibit C:

..I loved it! (So did the pussycat.) Deep, dark, auburn-like red. Since the color is actually a semi-permanent gloss, it would slowly fade away in 6-8 weeks as opposed to growing out - no roots!

The bummer to this little hair dye miracle? My ever dwindling wallet wasn't able to afford getting color every 7ish weeks. Plus I was kind of nervous that it would end up frying my hair.

What to do but turn to Rite Aid and actually get a box of dye. ::GASP:: This doesn't really help on the frying the hair thing, but it does indeed help the wallet. I ultimately decided on Herbal Essences Natural Instincts in Medium Auburn Brown (previously Cinnaberry).

It's a semi-permanent dye as well, and has apparently been proven to cause less damage to hair. At this point, I didn't have much to lose - if I didn't like the color, it would fade away with several shampoos. Lucky for me, I actually really liked the way the box color came out! It's a little harsh for the first day or so, but after one or two shampoos, it looks great, and more importantly, not fake!

Exhibit D:

About 2 weeks post dye job - my ideal shade of red!

This is where the question of my hair color comes in, in regards to the wedding: if I dye it myself, how far ahead of time do I do so, OR, should I just cough up the dough and get it done professionally? I'm all about saving money, but I'm thinking it's worth it this time around. Again, I think we'll have to do the picture litmus test for my hair color as well as Foxy's beard!

If you're a fellow dyed hair bride, did you consider when to do a touch up before the big day? Or did you have a preference for your man's hair/facial hair?

Drinkage

I should start off by establishing that we have decided to only serve beer and wine at our reception. We're both big wino's and Foxy seriously loves his beer. We realistically can't afford a full open bar, and we really don't see the need for a cash liquor bar in addition to an open beer and wine bar. I know people have varying opinions on this, but it's the best option for us.


Now on to the good stuff. For a small extra fee per person, our venue also allows you to do a champagne toast and/or a signature cocktail to serve throughout the night. Given our budget, we can only realistically do one or the other.


On the one hand, a champagne toast would be pretty schweet, because let's be real here: I LOVE champagne (or sparkling wine as the case may be).

Not really a good descriptive photo, but it's def a usual Sunday afternoon ;)

Plus, I love the look and feel and vibe of a true, classic champagne toast. And some of the the pictures can be unbeatable!

Image via What It Costs | Image via Pinterest from These tings Take Time
Image via Pinterest from Free People

Now on the other hand, a signature cocktail is just so fun. For one, it would ensure that there would be at least some type of liquor for those (lovely) sticklers who aren't big  beer or wine fans. Second, we could have fun creating a name for it like "Blushing Bride Blueberry Gimlet" or something equally as dorky and mushy. Third.. and unashamedly one of the biggest selling points for me.. is that we could put said cocktails in super cute glasses!

 

Image via Luna and Chloe Weddings | Image via Green Wedding Shoes, Photo by Jackie Wondersjackiewonders.com

Oh yes. I'm a total sucker for the mason jar glasses and stripy straws.

Needless to say, we're pretty set on the signature cocktail - ultimately, we figure people will be more than able to toast with the drinks they will have in front of them instead of champagne. Now we just need to decide what kind of cocktail to serve!


What kind of bar, if any, did you have at your wedding? Any good signature cocktail ideas??

It's aliiiiive

You know those little sponge pills that you stick in a cup of water and they expand to be a huge dinosaur?

That doesn't really look like a dinosaur. Regardless. You get the idea.

That? Has happened to our guest list.

I thought it could never happen to us. Not me, no way, no how. I'm a loser, I don't know that many people, I have a small family. If anything, we'd hit well under the 100 person mark that we have been basing cost points off of.

Well, obviously, that happened. A first review of the list brought to attention the fact that we left off some very key people.. like one of my best friends from college (I mean really, how did I forget him?). A second look made us realize that we should probably ask our parents if they wanted/needed anybody on that list, with the caveat that - since we're paying for it, not them - we may or may not be able to invite everyone (even though it looks like we ultimately will be).

It's kind of hard to say no to your parents, paying or not. A lot of the family add-ons came from Foxy's mom and her side of the family. She remains close with said family, but Foxy has only met them a handful of times and doesn't know them all that well; I've met them once. We figured we would of course invite them, but most ultimately wouldn't attend due to distance, not liking to travel, etc.

Foxy's mom seems to think otherwise - since a big birthday and family reunion of sorts this past May, it is seeming more likely that a lot of them will want to come. A lot meaning 20ish. Which, for a goal of a 100 person wedding? Is a lot.

A third look at the list made me realize I was missing a lot of family friends and people important to my mom and dad that I also know fairly well. So they were added.

A fourth look had us add more recent friends and other older friends that we simply forgot to add on the first time.

Right now, our list tops off at around 170 invited guests, but that doesn't include the 10 or so children that may be in attendance as well. Taking out the people who we think will be obvious "no's", we're left at about 130, not including children. I will admit that we are allowing everyone a +1, which we don't technically need to do, but mostly everyone has a +1 anyway (as in, long time SO or husband/wife). We've kept in mind that the high end of our budget could cover about 110 - 115 people -  still significantly less than the possible 130-140.

I know they say (they being the wedding gods, I think) that there's a 10-20% "no" rate for the RSVP's. They also say that you'll be surprised who actually ends up coming or not coming (we've actually already gotten some of this). My thinking is that, by sending out the Save the Date's soon, we may get a better gauge of who may not be able to attend, which will allow us to readjust our list and expectations a bit.

It's kind of funny, because I never in a million years thought we'd have a B list of people to invite. Geez I'm so popular.

Totally kidding!!

Have/did you encountered a rapid growth spurt with your guest list at any point? How did you handle your awesome popularity? ;)

Prettying up a package

I've never loved my ruler so much.

That's my handy Publisher work right there.

One of the issues regarding my Save the Dates (and invites, for that matter) is the actual size. When I go about designing things on the computer, I tend to disregard measurements and proportions and such; hence, I end up with a 7x7 design coming out of my printer when I meant for it to be 4x4, or visa-versa (that zoom function is tricky). You get the idea.

Honestly, I initially didn't care what size some things ended up being. But then I realized that I need to put all of these paper goods into envelopes and stamp them.

A funky size STD/invite = a funky, custom sized envelope = lots o' monies.

Dear lord, I wish.

Enter: my ruler and my paper cutter. I LOVE those things right now.

While a lot of what I'm doing is trial and error - designing, printing, cutting, resizing - it's also based on what size envelopes I can (affordably) buy. I've heard it a million times in the wedding world and I will definitely reiterate it: make sure you choose/have the envelopes BEFORE you go designing and ordering any paper products. Wedding rule number 12, fyi.

All well and good. My initial plan was to use a good old belly band to hold together my invite, RSVP card, and possibly the website card as well. All I would need to buy is an envelope for the RSVP's, and another one for the whole invite package itself.

Image via Kaboodle | Image via Project Wedding by DK Designs

Image via It's a Date Design

And then.. I fell in love with vellum envelopes.

Image via Elizabeth Anne Designs | Image via Mrs. Gloss!

They just look so.. sexy. I especially love the idea and the look of Mrs. Gloss's invites.. to have one regular envelope, with all the invite pieces further contained in a vellum envelope. (I also kind of love how she did a twine "belly band" too.. why pick just one?!)

So of course, using a vellum envelope would bring us up to a grand total of 3 envelopes, each one slightly bigger than then next so they all fit inside each other. And probably increased postage, too. Oh, and did I mention our invites will be square? Well they will be. And for some reason, square envelopes cost more.

It's funny (read: dumb) how all these little things add up, cost wise - the trick is to keep it DIY and still as economical as possible. I have yet to calculate and compare price points, but I still keep seeing those silly little dollar signs.

How did you assemble your invites? Did you go for cost, practicality, maybe a nice combo?

My ladies

Oh how I hate the word "bridesmaids". I mean.. maid?? Really? I prefer brideslady. So brideslady it is!

(I know that's really not much better, but I call all my lovely friends "lady", so it makes sense in my mind.)

I realize that I haven't written much.. or anything.. about said bridesladies yet, even though I have been looking for their dresses since about a month into our engagement. I also chose and asked all my ladies to be in the wedding the very night I got engaged.

Lesson number 23 in wedding planning: if you have a 26 month engagement, do not pick out your bridesladies the night you get engaged. (I very much love all my ladies, but more on this at another time.)


Back to what's at hand: brideslady dresses! From the start, I knew I wanted them some shade of turquoise and some version of chiffon fabric.

Thank you, DB, for your super fun dress your wedding feature.

Just through the dress simulator, I quickly realized that I wasn't really a fan of the matchy-matchy thing.

Love everything about this.

Image via Green Wedding Shoes | Photo by Ashley Rose Photography

Image via The Bride's Cafe | Image by Jill Thomas Photography

I'm definitely leaning more towards a mismatched but matching look for the ladies, but I'm admittedly worried that different colors won't end up being as cohesive as these pictures and as I see it in my mind.

via Dessy Styleboard

The next best option would be to have the girls all wear the same color and fabric, but in a style of their choosing.

I also love the mismatching shoes.

Image via The Bride's Cafe | Image by Jill Thomas Photography

Dessy styleboard again

Right now, I'm leaning towards same color and fabric, different styles and different shoes.

Ughh, silly decisions! I feel like it should be easier to pick out the brideslady getup than my own wedding day ensemble, but that is clearly not the case.

What are your thoughts? What did you/will you do for your ladies on your big day?

Someone has to make decisions around here.

And no, it's not me. Yet.

A few months ago, I visited my wedding twin M in Philly so we could hunt for a bridesmaids dress for her wedding, which is three weeks before mine and Mr. Foxy's. If you recall, her wedding style is super swanky, classy, and glamorous (thank you, Fergie, for reminding me how to spell that) - basically 100% different from the vibe Foxy and I are going for.

We originally settled on a bold but elegant Lazaro dress.

Image via Wedding Style Magazine

M had a few hesitations:

1. The price. Not the cheapest.
2. The texture and weight of the fabric - while it's much lighter than it appears in the picture, it's definitely kind of stiff and formfitting. If it ends up being 90+ degrees in Philly when she gets married (a definitely possibility), this would not necessarily be the most comfortable dress.
3. The wedding party has people of all different shapes and sizes. The style of this dress just doesn't flatter everybody, plain and simple.

Those points aside, M (and I!) loved the dress and thought it would be a go.

Until she texted me the other day about a different option she just happened to find at David's Bridal. It's a Special Occasions dress that only comes in one color - which happens to be berry (the color above), which is exactly what she's going for.

She sent me a pic of our mutual friend Sam in said dress..

Pretty, right? (Sam and the dress!) While it's only slightly cheaper than the Lazaro, it's chiffon and much, much lighter. The style is also pretty universally flattering. The only catch is that since it's a Special Occasions dress and not a specific bridesmaid dress, it is on it's way towards being discontinued.

Commence mad dash to DB to try on the dress!

They fortunately had my size in stock, so I immediately put it on layaway.

I have to say, as much fun as it is to plan my own wedding and wedding day ensemble, it's super fun to be able to get dressed up for a close friend's wedding, too!

It also helps that I love the dress I'll be wearing. Have you ever worn a bridesmaids dress that you just loved?

I can't fight this feeling anymore..

..except I totally know what I'm fighting aiming for.

REO Speedwagon anyone? No? Just me? Psh.

The long and short of it is that I keep getting asked what 'kind' of wedding we'll be having, what the 'feel' of it will be.

And for a while I had no stinkin' clue. I would ramble on and on about stuff no one but myself cares about, like how it will be a laid-back, kind of picnic-y summery feel with a splash of sophistication here and there. Modern with a twist. Simple but classy, but more casual-classy. Etcetera and so forth.

Then I came across this wonderful little term: rustic chic. The beautiful thing about this current wedding buzzword is that it can be defined a million different ways and it encompasses a wide variety of ideas, themes, details, etc. In the wedding world, it seems like everyone and their mother is doing their own twist on this, but whatevs. I'm totally enamored.

I would write out my personal definition of rustic chic (and hence, our wedding), but it's so much more fun to do it in an inspirational picture board, no?

From top to bottom..

Left: 1 2 3

Middle: 1 2 3

Right: 1 2 3 4 5

Clearly, there will be LOTS of turquoise, and we'll be adding accents of a light clementine orange here and there to complete the look. I just totally love the color combo!!

Definitely snatched this entire inspiration board

Le sigh <3

Tell me, what is/was the 'feel' of your wedding?

Glamming it up

This past weekend I made a trip to Philly to visit some friends, one of them being my wedding twin (and brideslady) M. I say wedding twin because: 1. her and I are sistas from another mista (yes I went there), 2. our engagement rings are basically the same, coincidentally enough, 3. we're in each other's weddings, and 4. we're getting married about three weeks apart - Mr. Foxy and I actually kind of chose our date based on when they are getting married, truth be told.

We originally picked a date one week after M's wedding, but she was planning to still be on her honeymoon at that point. I was more than happy to find a different weekend because I totally love M and need her in our wedding. Done And done.

Anyway, this past weekend was dedicated to M's wedding - we were looking for bridesmaid dresses as well as a wedding gown for her.

The funny thing is, as similar as we are, our wedding "styles" could not be more different. Most notable is how Mr. Foxy and I are going for a more laid back, fun, summery, rustic feeling and M and her fiancé are going for a more glamorous, red carpet, swanky feeling. I totally love it.

We went to a total of 3 dress shops on Saturday. At the first one, we tried on a lot of "typical" bridesmaid dresses. Chiffon, long, flowy... all things that I really love and M seemed to as well, at least initially. However, going through her wedding binder later (Mindy Weiss.. so jealous), I saw what she was really going for with the bridesmaids dresses.

Glam to the max!

Image via Wedding Style Magazine

Um.. definitely not chiffon and flowy. As luck would have it, that Lazaro up there? JUST arrived at the last shop we went to the previous week. Excited doesn't even begin to describe M's feelings about this - she wants us to look h.o.t. Which is the definition of this dress. The purpose is to have us wear something that we seriously won't ever wear again.

Unless we decide to go to the State Dinner a la the Salahi's. Which could totally happen.

However, since that dress is SO formfitting, we also tried on some backups.

This exact dress and color

This dress, but in the raspberry color above

All serious contenders. I have to admit, I'm kind of excited to get all glammed up!!

Have you ever gotten super red-carpet glammed up for a wedding (or any other event, for that matter)?