A Foxy Fête: We're Cool People (who had to deal with a slight change of plans)

The day before the wedding has become both a big blur and extremely specific at the same time. There was.. a lot going on. As most any bride will tell you on the day before their wedding.

Foxy was the first up on Friday morning and rallied the troops (that would be myself and MOH Copper, in our slightly wine-induced haze from the night before). After some much needed coffee, we got all the last minute stuff done - grabbing things we forgot to pack the night before, getting lots of baby's breath from Whole Foods (thanks, bestie!), and loading the cars. Then.. we were off to the Vandiver!

Side story: the best thing happened en route to the venue. We were listening to the radio, when all of a sudden the emcee goes: "If you're heading to a wedding this weekend, you'll likely hear this song.. but not this version unless it's a really cool persons wedding."

Well.. guess what song was absolutely a part of our "must play" list (and did, in fact, end up playing)?! I immediately freaked out and squealed "WE'RE GOING TO A COOL PERSONS WEDDING!!" To which Foxy ever so sweetly (sarcasm) pointed out that we were, in fact, going to our wedding. Thus, per logic.. we're so freaking cool. Obvi.

Anyway, back to the important things! Once we arrived at the Vandiver, I assumed I would be seeing our beyond amazing DOC, Chasi around somewhere in order to talk wedding, as well as details for the rehearsal dinner to be taking place at the venue later that night. This is where there was a slight hitch in the plans.

John, the owner of the Vandiver, asked to talk to me once we got settled in. He continued to explain that Chasi was very ill, and it just wasn't possible for her to be there for our wedding weekend (there was more to that, but there's no need to go too in depth). Instead, John would be helping us out over the next two days, along with Chasi's occasional assistant Jamie. I listened, I took it all in stride, I told John that I had complete confidence in him and Jamie and that I would do whatever I needed to help them help me. I understood - how could I not? - and I knew that they would take care of us just as well as Chasi would have. Now, on the flip side, of course I was bummed on the inside.. Chasi had been our point of contact for over two years leading up to this moment - she knew my vision, she helped me with some of the details, and for all intents and purposes, she was pretty much like my wedding fairy godmother.  And she wasn't going to be there. I was.. sad.

Foxy, MOH Copper, and I regrouped in our room after our conversation with John, where I definitely had a teary eyed moment - emotions were already running high and I just needed to get those tears out now before anyone else showed up. Two things eventually helped me feel better: wine (obviously), and the fact that both MOH Copper and officiant Em work in the wedding and event planning world in real life. While John and Jamie were indeed amazing with everything that weekend, Em and Copper pretty much saved my life over the next day and a half.

Anyway, after a few more deep breaths (I'm telling you, my tattoo seriously pays for itself), we had to get a move on with things and Foxy, MOH Copper, and I moseyed on over to Amanda's Florist to check out the flower situation. I absolutely loved that we were able to see the bouquets, boutonnieres, and centerpieces in advance (you should definitely see if your florist will let you do it!), and lucky for us, everything looked beyond perfect. After a few quick finishing touches, it was back to the venue to regroup and get organized.

In fact, officiant Em arrived shortly thereafter and her, myself, and MOH Copper had a little pow-wow to compile what I like to call, "List Of Shiz That Needs To Get Done".

Photo by Exclamation Imagery

As if on cue, once we got most things listed out and organized (and after an ever so brief reoccurrence of my my mini-meltdown moment from earlier), friends and family started arriving at the venue in a constant stream. This was where things started to get a bit hazy and surreal.. all these people that I love more than anything, here in one place, to celebrate Foxy and I and our pending nuptials. I was definitely getting excited for the next portion of the day - rehearsal and crabs!

In case you missed out..

It's Wedding Week!

On Losing a Loved One

Hive - I hate to say it, but I've recently been faced with some very sad news. This past Saturday, my Grandpa N (my dad's dad) passed away after a long battle with colon cancer.

Grandpa N and my dad circa 2009

Since his diagnosis several years back, he's had his fair share of ups and downs with the disease. The doctor's originally didn't think he would live past 80, much less his ultimate age of 85. He was a man of great faith and conviction, someone who did what he loved and stayed true to himself up until his last few days. I've seen him sporadically throughout my life, but him living in Idaho made it hard for me to get to know him as well as I would have liked. That doesn't change the fact that his passing has had a rather deep emotional effect on me, both for obvious reasons as well as the fact that our wedding is just a few days away.

Emotions are high. Family is stressed. We are mourning while we are preparing to celebrate.

It turns out that my dad and I have been taking the same approach to dealing with everything for the time being, and that is to stay busy. I'm not only saddened by the loss of my grandpa, but also saddened for my dad - I know he was close with Grandpa N, and his mom also passed away just a few years back. Both passings were "expected", so to speak.. but regardless, you're never really ready. How can you be? My dad seems to be holding up ok, but I still worry.

Me with my Nana Sharon, dad, Grandpa N, and Uncle Bill circa 1990ish

When speaking with him the other day, he and my stepmom mentioned a few things that my Nana Sharon (Grandpa N's second wife) has shared in regards to Grandpa N. Before he died, he apparently made it very clear that the get well card I made him a while back (over 10 years ago, I think?) be displayed at his funeral. He was also trying his hardest to survive at least past my wedding, in part so he could see pictures and hear about it, but also in part to not "overshadow" anything around this time in my life.

His requested mementos - my card in the middle.

Hearing that is when I lost it. I may not have known him as well as we both would have liked, but I love him and would have loved for him to experience mine and Foxy's wedding in whatever capacity he could have. Unfortunately, it will need to be in spirit only. And up until his last day, he was caring more about others than himself.

To add to it, we won't be able to attend his funeral/memorial service, slated for next Thursday, seeing as we will be in Mexico. We will of course be honoring him during our wedding ceremony, though,  especially since it's Father's Day weekend. It's going to be a rough week - heck, it already has been and it just started - but we'll all just have to take it day by day.

On a side note: I realize that I may be one of the few people who have had the fortune of both having and knowing all four of my grandparents for much of my life thus far. However, over the past four years,  the number of surviving grandparents has decreased from four to one (or five to two, if you count my Nana Sharon). While it's wonderful to have had each of them play such a prominent role in my life, it's definitely been getting hard to see them each fade away. My Grammy J (mom's mom) passed away around this time last year, and my Grandma C (dad's mom) a few years before that. My Grampy J (mom's dad) is suffering from a worsening case of Alzheimer's, and I am already not looking forward to how he'll fare over the next few months or years. It's all a part of life, sure.. but it's a really shitty part.

Do you or did you know all of your grandparents? Did you experience a loss right very close your wedding? How did you cope?

Need. Sleep. And a glass of wine.

The past few nights, I've woken up around 2:30am unbelievably anxious with this immense sensation of being incredibly overwhelmed. I'm already prone to anxiety - it's been pretty good for the past year and a half or so, but I feel it starting to take over my life again. It's like a panic attack in the middle of the night, for no reason whatsoever. I mean, sure.. my to do list seems to be ever expanding and I also volunteered to organize and plan brideslady M's bachelorette party coming up in two weeks.. but in my waking hours, I feel in control. Once I go to bed, it seems to be a whole different story.

The closer the wedding gets, the more I've realized I have to do. It's all stuff that I just sort of assumed would get done at some point, stuff that had to wait until closer to the wedding (think: programs, rehearsal dinner invites, favors, etc). Now that certain details have been settled on and I can actually get started on these things, I'm getting that overwhelmed sensation and I start panicking, especially at night when I'm in bed and have all these thoughts running through my mind.

Of course, money plays a part in all of this as well. Our original budget was for 110 people, but it looks we'll be closer to 130. There's at least a couple hundred. The due date for the remainder due for our photog, DJ, flowers, and cake is coming up in May. There's a couple thousand. Up until last I week I completely forgot that I'm getting my hair and nails done and paying for part of the girls hair, so there's another couple hundred. I still need things for our favors, the guestbook, reception decor, ceremony decor, etcetera. Omigod I'm panicking.

::Deep breath::

This is exactly why I have this tattooed on my forearm.

Photo by Ellen Silverman

Quick aside: my mom loves this tattoo so much that she made her wedding photog get about a dozen pictures of it with my flowers. She also keeps saying that she should have paid for it and written it off on her taxes because she thinks about it and my tattoo so frequently when it comes to work. I mean.. I'll take the money, mom. ;)


Anyway. Yes. I'm overwhelmed by it all. And I thank the heavens for days like today when I have a big chunk of time between clients at work so I can get some stuff done (and.. you know.. blog).

My current state of stress has also made me reconsider some of the projects and things on my to do list that are half done or still need to be done. Take our favors, for example - I know I haven't posted about them yet, but let's just say they were originally going to involve a lot more DIY than they actually will. Then there's the photobooth.. oh, I didn't tell you I want am dying for one of those? Since it wasn't in the budget, I had high hopes of doing a DIY one a la many bees before me, but I really don't see that getting done in the next few months. So that's probably out. And as for the videography thing.. I'm pretty sure we're just going to have someone record the ceremony and the parts of the reception that we want. Foxy got a nice new HD video camera not too long ago, and we're pretty sure we can make that work. It's cool, I'm over it. It's less money and another less vendor I need to deal with at this point.

I realize some of this sounds like I'm giving up on things, but I promise that's not the case. I just don't want to take so much on that nothing gets done right, you know? I'm pretty much forbidden by Foxy to add on any new projects, which is fair. I have more than enough on my plate right now. I know it's gotten bad when I need to make a list of the lists I need to make. True story.

On the flip side, I getting ants in my pants excited that we only have about three months left. I'm.. overwhelmingly excited? Excitedly overwhelmed? Something like that. The thing is, I just want to make the most of everything, because I love being engaged and I love planning our wedding, and I won't ever have this time in my life again. It's a whole bunch of mixed emotions rolled into one. I'm handling it the best I can, but I would really appreciate it if I could not wake up at 2:30am for two hours  anymore. Le sigh.

How did you/are you feeling three months out from your wedding? Did you have a mini freakout like I did(/currently am)?

Digging Deep

I have to admit that I kind of love reading fellow Bee's posts about Precana (aka pre-wedding marriage counseling). I love how much of a variety there is - from a weekend "crash course" to several weekly sessions over a month or two to miscellaneous homework assignments. I always knew that I wanted to do something similar with Foxy in the months leading up to our own wedding; when we were still planning to be married by a pastor, it was mandatory. Once we changed paths and decided to go with a more secular approach, we still knew we wanted to do some form of pre-marriage counseling with an outside source. We needed to, actually.

I touched lightly upon our first week at couples therapy back in December, and I wanted to share just a bit more about it. We have been going pretty consistently for about 3 months now (at three to four times a month) and have really grown and learned so much more about each other in that short amount of time. Sure, we already knew the ins and outs of the other one (being together for 5 years will do that), but it desperately needed to be finessed.

I won't lie: Foxy and I ran into a pretty big hurdle in our relationship about a year ago now. It was something that really tested us, something that almost tore us apart. In the end, once we each got over the initial shock, anger, confusion of it all.. we decided that we were better than that. That we were too good to just give up on. That what we had was worth fighting for and worth fixing. It all boiled down to a lack of communication, which we were able to pinpoint after several days of talking, arguing, analyzing. We needed help to get past it, to help mend things, to help understand each other more and prevent it from happening in the future.

A good friend referred us to our counselor, Jack, who has quickly become one of my most favorite people in the world. We came to him with the request of couples counseling mixed with pre-marriage counseling, and he was more than happy to oblige. While we've definitely been dealing mostly with the counseling portion of it and are just now starting to broach the actual marriage part, I can already say that we've learned so much and have come so far. We all know that communication is key in any relationship, but I found that there is always room to improve that. At least for us, anyway. And there's no right or wrong.. there's just you and your partner. There's the mutual understanding and willingness to grow and take in each other's thoughts, feelings, emotions. There's an acceptance that you're different, an acceptance that you're both ridiculously stubborn, an acceptance that it can indeed work even if it gets tricky sometimes.

I never once doubted mine and Foxy's relationship. Even at its rockiest points - of which there have been a few - I still believed in us, and so did he. Yet, even with that in mind, talking and opening up to Jack has really been an eye opener for both of us. You think you can handle it all yourself and that you don't need "help", but sometimes that third party can really put things into perspective. Sometimes you don't realize what's right in front of you until someone else points it out. And, most importantly, you truly realize that you and your partner are forever changing, both personally and with each other.

I won't say Foxy and I are "fixed" because I don't believe we were every truly broken, but we're definitely better off now than we were four months ago. We're also going to continue seeing Jack right up until the wedding, and likely after that as well (albeit not three to four times a month anymore). As I mentioned earlier, while we felt we needed to see someone to help us with our particular situation, we still had intentions of going to couples therapy regardless. Even if we never had a specific reason to go other than for pre-marriage counseling, I know we still would have learned just as much about each other, ourselves, and our communication habits. It's a never ending journey, for sure.

And so, in the end, I definitely want to encourage you all to go to some form of pre-marriage counseling, Precana, whatever you want to call it, even if it's not required. If I thought Foxy and I were good before, we're platinum now. Sure, we'll need to be touched up and polished every now and again, but don't most things take a bit of maintenance to stay shiny? I sure think so.

Have you ever had a big hurdle in your relationship that you needed to overcome? Regardless of that, have you or will you do some sort of pre-marriage counseling?

When life gives you lemons..

..you make lemonade. Then you add some vodka.

Or Bloody Mary, as the case may be.

I don't know about you guys, but sometimes planning a wedding can just feel so overwhelming. There's so much to think about, to plan, to spend, to have a back up for. I'm sitting here, just over six months out, and having a mini panic attack at everything I still have to do; yet, I feel like I don't know what to do because I have already done so much.

The main things I can think of that aren't done and that could be worked on at this point (invitations, ceremony stuff, jewelry, bridal party gifts).. well, I'm being a lazy butt about them. I know there's stuff I could do, but I'm just not. Between hardly having enough time to eat dinner most nights and only seeing Foxy every few days due to his 12 hour night shifts, I've gotten very procrastinate-y. I have all these ideas floating around in my head and I either have no time to do anything with them, think I should wait a few more weeks/months to actually do something with them as to not have everything done months ahead of time, or choose to watch TV (and have a glass of wine) instead of doing them. It all boils down to avoidance, because it just feels like so. damn. much. sometimes.

I'm aware that part of my current wedding procrastination and anxiety is likely coming from random life stresses and the ever expanding list of requests from friends and family of what should and shouldn't be at the wedding. You know, like what music should be played, what food should be served, who should stay in what room, what the ceremony should entail, what "traditions" we will and won't be doing. The people pleaser in me takes it all into consideration, but the kick-ass woman (some might say "bitch") in me gets frustrated because this is our wedding, not theirs. Foxy and I claim trademarks on vibe, ideas, flow.. oh yes, and 99% of the funding. The same people who tell me "if you're happy, other people will be happy" are also telling me "well you should really have this and this" and "well you won't have enough food if you just do stations". Please keep in mind these are just general samples, and we are getting them from people across the board.

So I've been getting frustrated, and I've just hit the "pause" button on actively planning, since a lot is, in fact, planned already. And a lot just has so many possibilities that I'm overwhelmed by it all.

Tell me I'm not the only one who gets a little panicked over what is and isn't done for the wedding. Have you ever needed to take a step back and just recharge? How did you deal with outside people's influences?

God and guns

In other words, the two biggest disagreement points between future Foxy and I. Key word: future.

The topics of God and guns have come up several times, since the two of us don't necessarily see eye to eye on either one. Where it gets tricky is when we talk about our future kiddos; sure, it's a (long) ways away, but it's something that we're trying to decide on now. Duke it out ahead of time and such.

Here goes:

1. God

Image via Set A Mark

I've already mentioned several times that I grew up Lutheran and Foxy is atheist. Seeing as I'm still "figuring out" my beliefs and spirituality, I suppose you could currently consider me more agnostic than anything else. I only go to church on Easter and Christmas, and Foxy? Well, he's only ever gone when I've forced asked him to go (looove you!). But for some reason, I'm hell bent on raising our future children with God in their lives.

Foxy doesn't necessarily disagree with this, but he doesn't want them to feel forced into something. Personally, I never felt forced. My parents exposed me to other religions as a kid and I absolutely loved being so involved in church and the youth group and choir, etc. It was a huge part of my upbringing, and I think it's good for kids to have some sort of religious structure, at least when they're young. No, I don't have a legit or defined reason why I think that, but it's important to me. Where it stands now, if/when kids come into the picture, I'll likely end up taking them to church on my own. Am I ok with that? I think so, but who knows? Sounds like a good premarital counseling question.

Delving deeper, I would at least like Foxy to know more about my religious upbringing, and my religion in general. It sort of killed me when I needed to inform him about what Easter is and why it's celebrated, or what day Christmas actually is. It's just such a part of me that I don't how people can not know.. but how could I expect he would if it wasn't a part of his life? It's funny how even the prospect of kids can raise concerns that you never thought would be.. a concern.

2. Guns

Image via Keep Schools Safe

Preface: Foxy likes guns. I do not.

He was brought up in upstate New York (ok, near Rochester, but still more country than me) where some of his favorite hobbies were shooting squirrels and going skeet shooting. I? Played pretend teacher with my friends and danced a lot. I was (and still kind of am) completely terrified of guns.

When I met Foxy, he already had a 9mm. He somehow convinced me to go to the range with him (ah, young love..) and I ended up having a mini freak out the first time. There I was, a dancer turned wannabe massage therapist with an enthusiasm for yoga.. shooting a gun. Probably funny if you looked at it from any viewpoint but mine.

A few times later, I got more used to shooting and started to not mind it as much (especially when I started to actually shoot what I aimed for). Foxy got a .22 caliber "for me" since it was smaller and had less kick back - nice in theory, but I've probably only shot it two or three times in my life. He also eventually got two more guns - another .22 and a much bigger one that I can't ever see him realistically using (it also intimidates me). I get that a few of them are for personal safety.. I do feel a bit better knowing that we're protected in the house.. but they still freak. me. out. Foxy has plans for more guns in the future, to collect them as it's a hobby and big interest of his. Which, I'm not going to lie, worries me.

Why? Well, again, future kiddos. I don't like the idea of having lots of guns and one or more children in the house. What if there's an accident? What if we have a rebellious teenager? What if my child hates me and kills me? (Half joking, half not right there.. you hear the news, it's legit.)

Foxy is set on getting a couple safes in the future.. one for guns with a fingerprint lock, one for ammo with a separate fingerprint (retina?) lock. It makes sense and that's all well and good, but it's still scary for me. I never thought I'd be in a home that had multiple guns, especially not with potential children around.

I know we could teach them proper gun usage, but I could go back and compare this to the God issue - it's all about what you were around and exposed to as a child yourself. I had God, he had guns. Question number 2 for premarital counseling, right there.

What about you? Have kids (or the prospect of them) led you and your significant other to any differing  opinions? Also, any insight on the God/guns issue?

Foxy Mama.. & a dress

One of the things that can really suck about living 350 miles from home is that I don't see my Foxy Mama nearly as much as I would like. It's one of those weird life things where you just want to get away when you're 17 and off to college, then you're dying to be closer 10 years later when you're a bit more mature and realize how super awesome your mom really is.

Mine totally is :)

It gets even harder when you're planning a wedding and can't have your mom there for most of it.

I definitely missed her being there when I first went wedding dress shopping, but was so incredibly thrilled that I ended up finding "the one" when I was finally able to go with her last November; thinking back, I'm not sure I would have been 100% certain of the dress had she not been there. She was the one who even pulled it off the rack!

Another distance dress related challenge deals more with her side of it - namely, the mother of the bride dress. We've been talking about ideas for her for a while, and found a few pieces she liked via Dessy Bridesmaids (because really, some of the "actual" MOB dresses are just wayyy too matronly for her).

Both images via Dessy: via 1, via 2

They look nice enough, but neither of us were thrilled. She then she debated repurposing a dress she got back in the 80's or 90's.

It's crazy to me that this dress is actually kind of back in style right now. And I have to give her credit because: 1. She can still fit into it, and 2. It's definitely springy and has the basic turquoise/teal tones that will be incorporated into the wedding. However, I wasn't sure I was digging it too much as a MOB dress (is it just me or is it really kinda funny that mother of the bride = MOB?).

And honestly? Part of me wants to wear it myself for a pre-wedding event! It would be a total vintage throwback and I'm loving the idea of it. Hah!

Anyway, we haven't really done much actual searching for a dress besides that, and certainly not together.

Then I received a picture text from her a few days ago.

Isn't it stunning? It's Camille La Vie's shimmer dress in caribbean blue - a color that looks magnificent on her and would likely compliment what my girls will be wearing. The one thing I am adamant about in regards to the MOB dress is that Foxy Mama's not match the bridesladies in color exactly, because that's just to matchy-matchy for me, and this? I think this would be a wonderful accent!

Oh and the best part? It's only around $100. Stylish and affordable: checkity check. While I'd love to see the dress on her in person, I definitely wouldn't mind if she decided to go ahead and get it. We'll keep looking, but this could likely be the official MOB dress!

Were you able to go dress shopping with your mom (for you or for her)? If not, was it hard for you too?

Be gone, drama llama

One thing I've learned from my time planning a wedding thus far is that no matter how far in advance you plan, things still come up that will stress you out and throw you for a spin.

In an extended effort to keep things real and not just give you all fluff (as wonderful as said fluff may be), I have to briefly delve into a recent stressy and unfortunate situation.

Part of the reason I waited so long to even write a tidbit about my bridesladies is because I wasn't sure if the original five I asked to be in the wedding.. would actually end up being in the wedding. Friendships naturally go through their ups and downs, some people grow apart and some grow closer - and all this absolutely holds true when your engagement is over 2 years long and you have your party set from day one.

I won't go into details because it's really not necessary, but one of my original 5 is no longer in the wedding party. Things are still fine between us - there was a short guest appearance from the drama llama, who was sent on his merry little way rather quickly - and at the end of the day after all other situations, my one friend ultimately had to decline from remaining in the wedding due to possible travel and school plans in the future.

I'm not going to lie - I was and still am really bummed by the whole thing. True, we aren't as close as we were 16 months ago, but we're definitely still able to pick up right where we left off every time we see each other. She was one of the first friends I made when I moved to the DC area and I still extremely value her friendship and consider her one of my best. The thing I hate most, though, is that she may not be able to make it to the wedding at all. It's sad, it's hard.. but it's life.

The silver lining to this whole ordeal is that over the past 16 months, I've actually gotten much, much closer with another friend. We went to massage school together for a few months before she had to leave for personal reasons, and we were pretty close at one point; we drifted apart, however, when we weren't seeing each other in and out of class every other day, as can be natural with frienships.

I can't put my finger on what changed, exactly - more free time? different personal situations? - but I now consider this girl one of the few genuinely honest, beautiful, and best friends in my life. We went to Mexico together a few months ago and have tentative plans to do so again in the next few months. We see each other at least once a week now and talk in between those times - she's become like a sister to me these past few months. And so, it was only natural to ask her to "fill in" for my now absent brideslady.

It worked out quite well, because I started to really wish I already had her in the bridal party from the get go; not to replace anybody, but just to be in it. I'm not one to care about uneven bridesladies and groomsmen, but 6 people standing next to me just felt like too many people. We're not planning on having that big of a wedding, and wouldn't you know that it would end up looking like more people were standing up with us than sitting down! Initially I was going to have her sing during the ceremony or help out in another significant way, but this kind of solves that "problem".

Oh the tangled webs we weave when friendships and weddings blend (or clash, as the case may be). I'm doing my best to just go with the flow and let things happen, as life has a funny way of working itself out.. see above.

What snags or change in plans have you come across in your own wedding planning? Any bridal party switcheroos?

Because I want to, that's why.

I'm warning you now that this post is going to be a little rant-y.

A bloggy friend recently wrote a great post titled "5 most annoying things about getting married." Number 5 on the list was the fact that people start acting like getting hitched is a death sentence - that you'll never be "free" again, that you're life is over, etc and so forth. Miss Petit Four also lightly touched on the subject here.

This got me thinking. Recently, a (commitment-phobic) acquaintance and I were talking about my upcoming nuptials, and he decided to use the analogy that getting married was like jumping off a plane.. but worse, because, according to him, 3 out of 4 marriages fail. He proceeded to ask me that if you were told that 3 out of 4 parachutes fail when you jump out of a plane, would you still do it? In other words, since 3 out of 4 marriages fail, why even bother?

I didn't really know what to say to that, aside from wanting to tell him to possibly keep his mouth shut. But it did make me think; knowing that more and more marriages have a tendency to not work out in this day and age, why do some of us - why do I - bother doing it in the first place?

I guess you can say that I don't come from a family of the best "examples." My mom and dad have been separated/divorced since I was about 7 or 8. My dad's parents are also divorced, and I know my mom sometimes wonders if her parents were truly happy together. That being said, both my mom and my dad have found true, honest happiness in their second marriages, which something beyond wonderful. In addition, Mr. Foxy comes from a family with a high marriage success rate - his mom and dad have been married for around 40 years, and his sister and brother-in-law are already up to about 15 years together.

The thing is, his family and his values inspire me. Maybe it's because of that, or maybe it's because I want different for myself than what happened to my parents (divorce is a super big fear of mine).. but I am so completely, 110% committed to making mine and Foxy's marriage work, regardless of what the statistics say. And I know he is, too. He has told me on more than one occasion, when I get scared and doubtful that marriages can actually last a lifetime (yes, I'm definitely affected by my parents' divorce, I'm working on it), that he wouldn't have asked me to marry him in the first place if he had any question in his mind that we couldn't make it "all the way." Till death do us part, and then some.

Just hearing him say that brings my confidence in our marriage back up to 1000000%. And it makes me feel really sorry for people who feel the need to put other people down because of their decision to get married to the one they love. I know that we all have our issues - that some people don't believe in marriage because it hasn't worked for them, etc - and I get it. That's fine; we all have our own opinions and beliefs. But you don't need to run around telling other people who are about to get married that it's not going to work, that they are silly for venturing into it.

So, why am I bothering getting married if 3 out of 4 (such an exaggeration, IMO) of them apparently fail?

Because I believe in it. And because want to. That's why.

Please keep in mind that this all just personal opinion.. feel free to agree/disagree/whatever!

This one's for us.

I kept writing and rewriting this post, and it kept saying something different every time.

What I really want to touch on is how this will be mine and Mr. Foxy's wedding, nobody else's. Not our parents', not our friends', not the critics on all those wedding resources out there.

Ours. And we'll do what we want. And I will not care what other people think. (Must repeat this over and over.)

The problem is that all too often, I do care about what other people think. I want other people to love our wedding as much as I love it. However (and this has been a long time coming for me to accept), that is basically impossible. What I love, someone else will inevitably find "tacky". What I think is cute and quaint (and budget friendly), someone else will find "cheap". Different people have different opinions, and that's that. My recent realization and kick-butt attitude is now that Foxy and I will do what we want to do, not what your etiquette book or magazine or online forum tells me to.

Booya.

A little background so you get a feel for where I'm coming from:

I grew up on Long Island, and most weddings there are pretty ritzy. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that, it's just that I grew up thinking that weddings had to be a certain way. The ceremony takes place in a church with massive amounts of flowers and the reception is a big affair with a cocktail hour and centerpieces and a big dance floor and a sit down dinner and drinks and food everywhere. Oh, and lots of electric slides and macarenas. Kind of the "more money = better wedding" mentality.

Don't get me wrong, these weddings are seriously great. I totally love going to them. I just knew that something about it felt off to me and it wasn't really what I personally wanted when I got married. But I didn't think I had a choice - this was what weddings were.

Then I went to a wedding at a vineyard, and while it was still on Long Island, it started to change my view on how and where I could eventually get married. The couple was wed outside in front of the grapevines - don't ask me why, but this never occurred to me, to get married somewhere besides the church I grew up going to (and lived next door to). I started to realize that there isn't a set formula to all weddings, that just because I was brought up with a certain perception of how weddings (and parties) are in a certain area doesn't mean I have to hold true to them. (In other words: options!)

A month later, I moved to Maryland and Foxy and I attended a slew of weddings the following summer, each light years different from the next.

This was really the best thing for me. We went to a super fancy wedding on the water on Long Island, a more casual backyard one in Michigan, and pretty standard church and catering hall reception one in upstate NY. We unfortunately had to miss a second one in upstate NY, this time at a winery - they did the coolest thing and rented a BBQ pit and grilled chicken on it, in front of everyone. I'm so bummed we couldn't make it.. it really seemed like the exact kind of thing I'd love to have for our wedding.

Anyway, the point of this is that my perception of weddings changed drastically from just a few years ago. With the help of several wedding resources and a mini-reflection on our lives, Foxy and I have been able to pull together an idea of what we want for ourselves, on a budget that works for us. It doesn't exactly agree with all of said resources out there, or even with some of my friends and family for that matter (more to come on that). I've grown to kind of throw "weddiquette" out the door, because really? It's our wedding, and we'll decide what to do and what not to do. The end.

Now I just have to keep repeating that to myself, especially in the next 8+ months!

Is this something you've struggled with as well? Have you found your ideas and perceptions about wedding celebrations have changed over time?