Post Wedding Blues

I has 'em.

It's hard to describe, really. Maybe it's more like nostalgia? Bittersweet, even? I can't quite put my finger on it. All I do know is that I'm a bit more affected by the wedding being over than I thought I would be.

Photo by Exclamation Imagery

Have you ever had that kind of sentimental feeling after a really great vacation or event in your life? Where things were just so amazing, so wonderful, so beyond anything you could have imagined, that you're just sad that it was over? I honestly should have seen this coming.. I actually get this way quite frequently, it doesn't even have to be a big deal or event. Just going to visit family for holidays or spending an exceptionally great day with friends tends to get me very reminiscent, a tad misty eyed, and a bit down that it ever has to come to an end. Is that weird? Maybe. (I mean.. yes. I'm an emotional person. Clearly.)

Photo by the lovely Mrs. Guinea Pig

Here's the thing: our wedding wasn't by-the-books perfect, but it was perfect for us. I spent the past two years planning this thing, down every last little detail. I made almost-daily trips to Michael's. I ordered a crap ton of stuff online and got packages delivered weekly. I amassed a pretty impressive collection of tape, glue, and any other adhesive you could possibly need. I had ribbon by the yards, paint bottles by the dozens, and glitter finding a way onto every surface of our home. I poured my heart and my soul into this wedding, and then... poof. It's all over. Two years culminated into one exceptional, magical day.

I think I hate that it was just one day (well, two-ish if you count the rehearsal, because that was fantastic, too!). No, I'm not saying I wish it was a week long wedding.. I just wish it didn't go by so quickly. It's only been three weeks and I already feel myself forgetting some of the smaller details. Does it even matter? Probably not. But I'm a sucker for this kind of stuff. I love planning. I love doing. Maybe I'm a bit sad because I don't currently have something concrete to create, plan, do?

Our wedding room has converted back to a normal office again, more or less. It looks so bare in there, with all the wedding related crafts packed up or thrown away. Some things still linger.. I just can't bear to get rid of them but for the life of me don't have a clue what to do with them (bubbles, anyone?). I sometimes seriously envy Mrs. Honey and her c'est la vie attitude towards it all.

I've also thought about a possible selfish part of the equation. Everyone tells you to enjoy the time you're engaged - don't rush it - and for a while, I needed to hear that because I really didn't want to wait twenty six months to get married. But once it got down to around the six month mark.. it all just flew. I appreciated and loved (almost) every second of it.. but it's so hard to really let it all sink in sometimes. That time before the wedding - whether it be a few months or a few years - is the only time (hopefully) that we as brides and as women will ever have that experience. And I absolutely loved being there, full of anticipation, having that attention; it was a really nice time of life. You're excited, everyone else is excited, you possibly get to be with friends and family a lot more, and even maybe have a party or two. You get to pick new outfits or repurpose old ones, and you have all those excited, giddy, pre-wedding feelings. It's about you and your partner, your love, your exciting new life together. It's fun.

Photo by Exclamation Imagery

Now don't get me wrong - I am 100, nay, 110% happy with my life and with everything and everyone I am fortunate enough to have in it. Just knowing that Foxy is my husband (I still love saying that!) brings the biggest smile to my face. A wedding is merely a celebration of a marriage, of two people coming together to share their life. It's also one helluva party. ;)

Lucky for us, our photographer recently sent us a preview gallery with some highlights from the day (see above!), which I have been admittedly going through multiple times daily. We were so blessed to have been able to work with two such amazing photographers on our wedding day, and if the preview is any indication, we'll have more than enough images to pore over time and time again when we want to relive the magic of that day. Finally having those images will also get my butt in gear to start on the recaps, which I'm so excited to write - both for you but also for me, and for us to remember things by however many years down the road! (That is, if I stop showing you all every picture I have, thus rendering recaps completely pointless. Can you tell I'm a bit in love with our photos?!)


How was it for you after the wedding? Did you experience the post wedding blues in any way?

God and guns

In other words, the two biggest disagreement points between future Foxy and I. Key word: future.

The topics of God and guns have come up several times, since the two of us don't necessarily see eye to eye on either one. Where it gets tricky is when we talk about our future kiddos; sure, it's a (long) ways away, but it's something that we're trying to decide on now. Duke it out ahead of time and such.

Here goes:

1. God

Image via Set A Mark

I've already mentioned several times that I grew up Lutheran and Foxy is atheist. Seeing as I'm still "figuring out" my beliefs and spirituality, I suppose you could currently consider me more agnostic than anything else. I only go to church on Easter and Christmas, and Foxy? Well, he's only ever gone when I've forced asked him to go (looove you!). But for some reason, I'm hell bent on raising our future children with God in their lives.

Foxy doesn't necessarily disagree with this, but he doesn't want them to feel forced into something. Personally, I never felt forced. My parents exposed me to other religions as a kid and I absolutely loved being so involved in church and the youth group and choir, etc. It was a huge part of my upbringing, and I think it's good for kids to have some sort of religious structure, at least when they're young. No, I don't have a legit or defined reason why I think that, but it's important to me. Where it stands now, if/when kids come into the picture, I'll likely end up taking them to church on my own. Am I ok with that? I think so, but who knows? Sounds like a good premarital counseling question.

Delving deeper, I would at least like Foxy to know more about my religious upbringing, and my religion in general. It sort of killed me when I needed to inform him about what Easter is and why it's celebrated, or what day Christmas actually is. It's just such a part of me that I don't how people can not know.. but how could I expect he would if it wasn't a part of his life? It's funny how even the prospect of kids can raise concerns that you never thought would be.. a concern.

2. Guns

Image via Keep Schools Safe

Preface: Foxy likes guns. I do not.

He was brought up in upstate New York (ok, near Rochester, but still more country than me) where some of his favorite hobbies were shooting squirrels and going skeet shooting. I? Played pretend teacher with my friends and danced a lot. I was (and still kind of am) completely terrified of guns.

When I met Foxy, he already had a 9mm. He somehow convinced me to go to the range with him (ah, young love..) and I ended up having a mini freak out the first time. There I was, a dancer turned wannabe massage therapist with an enthusiasm for yoga.. shooting a gun. Probably funny if you looked at it from any viewpoint but mine.

A few times later, I got more used to shooting and started to not mind it as much (especially when I started to actually shoot what I aimed for). Foxy got a .22 caliber "for me" since it was smaller and had less kick back - nice in theory, but I've probably only shot it two or three times in my life. He also eventually got two more guns - another .22 and a much bigger one that I can't ever see him realistically using (it also intimidates me). I get that a few of them are for personal safety.. I do feel a bit better knowing that we're protected in the house.. but they still freak. me. out. Foxy has plans for more guns in the future, to collect them as it's a hobby and big interest of his. Which, I'm not going to lie, worries me.

Why? Well, again, future kiddos. I don't like the idea of having lots of guns and one or more children in the house. What if there's an accident? What if we have a rebellious teenager? What if my child hates me and kills me? (Half joking, half not right there.. you hear the news, it's legit.)

Foxy is set on getting a couple safes in the future.. one for guns with a fingerprint lock, one for ammo with a separate fingerprint (retina?) lock. It makes sense and that's all well and good, but it's still scary for me. I never thought I'd be in a home that had multiple guns, especially not with potential children around.

I know we could teach them proper gun usage, but I could go back and compare this to the God issue - it's all about what you were around and exposed to as a child yourself. I had God, he had guns. Question number 2 for premarital counseling, right there.

What about you? Have kids (or the prospect of them) led you and your significant other to any differing  opinions? Also, any insight on the God/guns issue?

Because I want to, that's why.

I'm warning you now that this post is going to be a little rant-y.

A bloggy friend recently wrote a great post titled "5 most annoying things about getting married." Number 5 on the list was the fact that people start acting like getting hitched is a death sentence - that you'll never be "free" again, that you're life is over, etc and so forth. Miss Petit Four also lightly touched on the subject here.

This got me thinking. Recently, a (commitment-phobic) acquaintance and I were talking about my upcoming nuptials, and he decided to use the analogy that getting married was like jumping off a plane.. but worse, because, according to him, 3 out of 4 marriages fail. He proceeded to ask me that if you were told that 3 out of 4 parachutes fail when you jump out of a plane, would you still do it? In other words, since 3 out of 4 marriages fail, why even bother?

I didn't really know what to say to that, aside from wanting to tell him to possibly keep his mouth shut. But it did make me think; knowing that more and more marriages have a tendency to not work out in this day and age, why do some of us - why do I - bother doing it in the first place?

I guess you can say that I don't come from a family of the best "examples." My mom and dad have been separated/divorced since I was about 7 or 8. My dad's parents are also divorced, and I know my mom sometimes wonders if her parents were truly happy together. That being said, both my mom and my dad have found true, honest happiness in their second marriages, which something beyond wonderful. In addition, Mr. Foxy comes from a family with a high marriage success rate - his mom and dad have been married for around 40 years, and his sister and brother-in-law are already up to about 15 years together.

The thing is, his family and his values inspire me. Maybe it's because of that, or maybe it's because I want different for myself than what happened to my parents (divorce is a super big fear of mine).. but I am so completely, 110% committed to making mine and Foxy's marriage work, regardless of what the statistics say. And I know he is, too. He has told me on more than one occasion, when I get scared and doubtful that marriages can actually last a lifetime (yes, I'm definitely affected by my parents' divorce, I'm working on it), that he wouldn't have asked me to marry him in the first place if he had any question in his mind that we couldn't make it "all the way." Till death do us part, and then some.

Just hearing him say that brings my confidence in our marriage back up to 1000000%. And it makes me feel really sorry for people who feel the need to put other people down because of their decision to get married to the one they love. I know that we all have our issues - that some people don't believe in marriage because it hasn't worked for them, etc - and I get it. That's fine; we all have our own opinions and beliefs. But you don't need to run around telling other people who are about to get married that it's not going to work, that they are silly for venturing into it.

So, why am I bothering getting married if 3 out of 4 (such an exaggeration, IMO) of them apparently fail?

Because I believe in it. And because want to. That's why.

Please keep in mind that this all just personal opinion.. feel free to agree/disagree/whatever!

On God, and other things.

Heads up: this post is sort of piggy-backing on my second post.

The fact is, I am coming to terms with my religion right now, and Mr. Foxy is an athiest (not agnostic).

Getting married in a church just wouldn't make any sense for either of us. Religion was a huge part of my childhood (and I am determind to make it a part of our future children's, as well), but I am a different person now than I was then. I also wouldn't feel right "making" Foxy get married in such a way that he's uncomfortable with the whole thing.. it just doesn't make sense.

So, we're not getting married in a church. I was concerned about how my parents would receive this since they are both Lutheran pastors, and both sides of my family are fairly religious. But I am just now finally able to say.. they'll have to deal with it. It's mine and Foxy's wedding, and this is what we are choosing for ourselves.

That doesn't make it any less hard, though. I still consider myself spiritual, and I would like at least a little God in our ceremony. I don't want to get married by a random person who knows nothing about me or Foxy, but at the same time, I don't want a pastor who will impose religion and God into the ceremony in ways we don't want it.

The trick is to find a family friend who is also a pastor to officiate our wedding, who will allow us to have significant control over what goes into the ceremony, while still offering some guidance. I have someone in mind, but have not yet broached the subject with that person. I am hopeful but cautious. It's much more of a fine line to walk than I initially thought it would be, but I'm ok with that, as long as it's perfectly us.

How did you decide what kind of ceremony to have, and who to officiate it?

This one's for us.

I kept writing and rewriting this post, and it kept saying something different every time.

What I really want to touch on is how this will be mine and Mr. Foxy's wedding, nobody else's. Not our parents', not our friends', not the critics on all those wedding resources out there.

Ours. And we'll do what we want. And I will not care what other people think. (Must repeat this over and over.)

The problem is that all too often, I do care about what other people think. I want other people to love our wedding as much as I love it. However (and this has been a long time coming for me to accept), that is basically impossible. What I love, someone else will inevitably find "tacky". What I think is cute and quaint (and budget friendly), someone else will find "cheap". Different people have different opinions, and that's that. My recent realization and kick-butt attitude is now that Foxy and I will do what we want to do, not what your etiquette book or magazine or online forum tells me to.

Booya.

A little background so you get a feel for where I'm coming from:

I grew up on Long Island, and most weddings there are pretty ritzy. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that, it's just that I grew up thinking that weddings had to be a certain way. The ceremony takes place in a church with massive amounts of flowers and the reception is a big affair with a cocktail hour and centerpieces and a big dance floor and a sit down dinner and drinks and food everywhere. Oh, and lots of electric slides and macarenas. Kind of the "more money = better wedding" mentality.

Don't get me wrong, these weddings are seriously great. I totally love going to them. I just knew that something about it felt off to me and it wasn't really what I personally wanted when I got married. But I didn't think I had a choice - this was what weddings were.

Then I went to a wedding at a vineyard, and while it was still on Long Island, it started to change my view on how and where I could eventually get married. The couple was wed outside in front of the grapevines - don't ask me why, but this never occurred to me, to get married somewhere besides the church I grew up going to (and lived next door to). I started to realize that there isn't a set formula to all weddings, that just because I was brought up with a certain perception of how weddings (and parties) are in a certain area doesn't mean I have to hold true to them. (In other words: options!)

A month later, I moved to Maryland and Foxy and I attended a slew of weddings the following summer, each light years different from the next.

This was really the best thing for me. We went to a super fancy wedding on the water on Long Island, a more casual backyard one in Michigan, and pretty standard church and catering hall reception one in upstate NY. We unfortunately had to miss a second one in upstate NY, this time at a winery - they did the coolest thing and rented a BBQ pit and grilled chicken on it, in front of everyone. I'm so bummed we couldn't make it.. it really seemed like the exact kind of thing I'd love to have for our wedding.

Anyway, the point of this is that my perception of weddings changed drastically from just a few years ago. With the help of several wedding resources and a mini-reflection on our lives, Foxy and I have been able to pull together an idea of what we want for ourselves, on a budget that works for us. It doesn't exactly agree with all of said resources out there, or even with some of my friends and family for that matter (more to come on that). I've grown to kind of throw "weddiquette" out the door, because really? It's our wedding, and we'll decide what to do and what not to do. The end.

Now I just have to keep repeating that to myself, especially in the next 8+ months!

Is this something you've struggled with as well? Have you found your ideas and perceptions about wedding celebrations have changed over time?