Need. Sleep. And a glass of wine.

The past few nights, I've woken up around 2:30am unbelievably anxious with this immense sensation of being incredibly overwhelmed. I'm already prone to anxiety - it's been pretty good for the past year and a half or so, but I feel it starting to take over my life again. It's like a panic attack in the middle of the night, for no reason whatsoever. I mean, sure.. my to do list seems to be ever expanding and I also volunteered to organize and plan brideslady M's bachelorette party coming up in two weeks.. but in my waking hours, I feel in control. Once I go to bed, it seems to be a whole different story.

The closer the wedding gets, the more I've realized I have to do. It's all stuff that I just sort of assumed would get done at some point, stuff that had to wait until closer to the wedding (think: programs, rehearsal dinner invites, favors, etc). Now that certain details have been settled on and I can actually get started on these things, I'm getting that overwhelmed sensation and I start panicking, especially at night when I'm in bed and have all these thoughts running through my mind.

Of course, money plays a part in all of this as well. Our original budget was for 110 people, but it looks we'll be closer to 130. There's at least a couple hundred. The due date for the remainder due for our photog, DJ, flowers, and cake is coming up in May. There's a couple thousand. Up until last I week I completely forgot that I'm getting my hair and nails done and paying for part of the girls hair, so there's another couple hundred. I still need things for our favors, the guestbook, reception decor, ceremony decor, etcetera. Omigod I'm panicking.

::Deep breath::

This is exactly why I have this tattooed on my forearm.

Photo by Ellen Silverman

Quick aside: my mom loves this tattoo so much that she made her wedding photog get about a dozen pictures of it with my flowers. She also keeps saying that she should have paid for it and written it off on her taxes because she thinks about it and my tattoo so frequently when it comes to work. I mean.. I'll take the money, mom. ;)


Anyway. Yes. I'm overwhelmed by it all. And I thank the heavens for days like today when I have a big chunk of time between clients at work so I can get some stuff done (and.. you know.. blog).

My current state of stress has also made me reconsider some of the projects and things on my to do list that are half done or still need to be done. Take our favors, for example - I know I haven't posted about them yet, but let's just say they were originally going to involve a lot more DIY than they actually will. Then there's the photobooth.. oh, I didn't tell you I want am dying for one of those? Since it wasn't in the budget, I had high hopes of doing a DIY one a la many bees before me, but I really don't see that getting done in the next few months. So that's probably out. And as for the videography thing.. I'm pretty sure we're just going to have someone record the ceremony and the parts of the reception that we want. Foxy got a nice new HD video camera not too long ago, and we're pretty sure we can make that work. It's cool, I'm over it. It's less money and another less vendor I need to deal with at this point.

I realize some of this sounds like I'm giving up on things, but I promise that's not the case. I just don't want to take so much on that nothing gets done right, you know? I'm pretty much forbidden by Foxy to add on any new projects, which is fair. I have more than enough on my plate right now. I know it's gotten bad when I need to make a list of the lists I need to make. True story.

On the flip side, I getting ants in my pants excited that we only have about three months left. I'm.. overwhelmingly excited? Excitedly overwhelmed? Something like that. The thing is, I just want to make the most of everything, because I love being engaged and I love planning our wedding, and I won't ever have this time in my life again. It's a whole bunch of mixed emotions rolled into one. I'm handling it the best I can, but I would really appreciate it if I could not wake up at 2:30am for two hours  anymore. Le sigh.

How did you/are you feeling three months out from your wedding? Did you have a mini freakout like I did(/currently am)?

Holidays, a countdown, and some more wedding porn

Apologies for the radio silence, hive! I have been enjoying lots of family, food, and relaxing this past week - I haven't had this much time to myself in ages. I was even able to read a bit and finish a book I started six months ago. Yes, it's been that long. But I digress - hello, again, and I hope you all had and are continuing to have fabulous holidays!

Our pussycat(s) does not seem to enjoy the holidays as much as I do.

So anyway, way back when I first started my little wedding blog (coughforthesolepurposeofWeddingbeecough), I had 732 days until the wedding. Seven hundred thirty two. It felt like it would never come; I dreamed of the day I could even say our wedding was next year, much less saying it's less than six months away. Because now? It is. And in a few short days, I can say our wedding is this year.

I have no idea how the moose that happened, but it did. We're under 180 days at this point, which only 80 away from 100, which is when shiz starts getting real. Miss Unicycle's post the other day made me wake up from my holiday cookie coma and realize that all that stuff I've been putting off? It should probably start be putting on. You know what I mean. So I am highly anticipating getting my tush in gear, getting more things figured out for the wedding, and blogging about it all. Win-win-win.

In the meantime, I wanted to share with you some pictures Foxy Mama recently emailed me. Since I already shared some images from her and my dad's wedding, and since I know you're all in search of more vintage wedding porn, here's a few images from my Grammy and Grampy's wedding from way back in 1949!

These images just make me happy - they are so classic!

For my fellow 6ish month out bees - have you gotten that little kick in the tush yet? Or would you rather gaze at pretty wedding porn, like I clearly do?

364.. count it!

Or..

You guys. Today officially marks the 1 year mark until we get married. This is HUGE. Like, Godzilla huge.

It just clicked that this is where 'bridezilla' comes from. Shut it.

Ok, maybe not that huge, but it's definitely super duper exciting!!! My very first post on this here little blog stated that we had 732 days until our wedding.. and now we are down to a precious 364. 

Hella good!

Now my big worry-of-the-moment is how the weather will be. This will mark the forth straight year of likely shitty weather on June 16th.

BIG. SAD.

I know it'll be awesome regardless, blablabla. I just wanted to whine and fret for a hot minute. ;)