I kept writing and rewriting this post, and it kept saying something different every time.
What I really want to touch on is how this will be mine and Mr. Foxy's wedding, nobody else's. Not our parents', not our friends', not the critics on all those wedding resources out there.
Ours. And we'll do what we want. And I will not care what other people think. (Must repeat this over and over.)
The problem is that all too often, I do care about what other people think. I want other people to love our wedding as much as I love it. However (and this has been a long time coming for me to accept), that is basically impossible. What I love, someone else will inevitably find "tacky". What I think is cute and quaint (and budget friendly), someone else will find "cheap". Different people have different opinions, and that's that. My recent realization and kick-butt attitude is now that Foxy and I will do what we want to do, not what your etiquette book or magazine or online forum tells me to.
Booya.
A little background so you get a feel for where I'm coming from:
I grew up on Long Island, and most weddings there are pretty ritzy. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that, it's just that I grew up thinking that weddings had to be a certain way. The ceremony takes place in a church with massive amounts of flowers and the reception is a big affair with a cocktail hour and centerpieces and a big dance floor and a sit down dinner and drinks and food everywhere. Oh, and lots of electric slides and macarenas. Kind of the "more money = better wedding" mentality.
Don't get me wrong, these weddings are seriously great. I totally love going to them. I just knew that something about it felt off to me and it wasn't really what I personally wanted when I got married. But I didn't think I had a choice - this was what weddings were.
Then I went to a wedding at a vineyard, and while it was still on Long Island, it started to change my view on how and where I could eventually get married. The couple was wed outside in front of the grapevines - don't ask me why, but this never occurred to me, to get married somewhere besides the church I grew up going to (and lived next door to). I started to realize that there isn't a set formula to all weddings, that just because I was brought up with a certain perception of how weddings (and parties) are in a certain area doesn't mean I have to hold true to them. (In other words: options!)
A month later, I moved to Maryland and Foxy and I attended a slew of weddings the following summer, each light years different from the next.
This was really the best thing for me. We went to a super fancy wedding on the water on Long Island, a more casual backyard one in Michigan, and pretty standard church and catering hall reception one in upstate NY. We unfortunately had to miss a second one in upstate NY, this time at a winery - they did the coolest thing and rented a BBQ pit and grilled chicken on it, in front of everyone. I'm so bummed we couldn't make it.. it really seemed like the exact kind of thing I'd love to have for our wedding.
Anyway, the point of this is that my perception of weddings changed drastically from just a few years ago. With the help of several wedding resources and a mini-reflection on our lives, Foxy and I have been able to pull together an idea of what we want for ourselves, on a budget that works for us. It doesn't exactly agree with all of said resources out there, or even with some of my friends and family for that matter (more to come on that). I've grown to kind of throw "weddiquette" out the door, because really? It's our wedding, and we'll decide what to do and what not to do. The end.
Now I just have to keep repeating that to myself, especially in the next 8+ months!
Is this something you've struggled with as well? Have you found your ideas and perceptions about wedding celebrations have changed over time?
5 comments:
I wrote a post about the whole "tackiness is subjective" issue in relation to weddings after my wedding. I was just so tired of the criticism I saw on our favorite wedding board and the constant questions from people on there..."can I do this, or is it tacky?" Well, be yourself. Someone, no matter what, is going to think you're tacky. SO BE IT!
I know a lot of people thought our wedding was "tacky." Gasp! Dessert only? No fine china! Well, they weren't paying for it. Had they paid for it, it probably wouldn't have been any different, because it was US, and that is one thing that everyone said about it - it was US. Which was my main goal....not to make them happy. :)
I'm glad you're at this point. Don't let anyone else's opinion on how things should be make you change your mind.
So true! Our wedding was really casual--we didn't even do a first dance, which some people might find odd, but my husband doesn't like to dance and I wanted him to have fun on his wedding day. It seems people come out of the woodwork when you're getting married and everyone has an opinion of their own. My brother is getting married in November and they want to do a pot luck pig roast, which I think is such their style and will be so much fun! The key is that you look back at your pictures and see how much fun you had and how your vision played out. I can't wait to see what you come up with!
I am loving the fact that weddings are so diverse now. Whereas your hometown was the place for ritzy weddings, my area is known...well, for the opposite. Not that there's anything wrong with a small church wedding and a pot luck reception at the VFW, but I knew that wasn't me. I had to be outside and by the water, it was my only non-negotiable item!
Your wedding will be totally unique and yours. :)
This was great. I'm glad you put this out there because myself included there are many people who have or are currently dealing with the same feelings.
oh my gosh how did i miss this!!! LOVE :)
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