See, Foxy Mama has taken the initiative to email my bridesladies, namely my two maids of honor (more on that later) about starting to think about my bridal shower. Part of the reason for the advance thinking is simple: I have friends and family spread up and down the east coast. Close friends and family. In my bridal party alone, one is on Long Island, two are in Philly, and two are in DC. Lord knows if they will ever actually all be together in one place before the wedding itself.
Image via The Tizona Group
Needless to say, the decision of where to even have the shower is very pertinent, as planning can't begin until that is decided. Ideally, I'd like it to be in New York - it's where I grew up, it will always be home, it's my ideal city. However, that would require the majority of people traveling a long(ish) distance (especially with traffic), and I just don't see that realistically happening. Practically speaking, it should be in DC. You know, the one city where neither of my two maids of honor (or mom) live.
I know it's not a big deal in the long run, but small things like this seem to matter more than they should sometimes. I would just love a nice, fun bridal shower with my friends and family. End of story. But I have no idea how this stuff happens or how it works. Seriously.
Am I supposed to have any say in this? Does my mom take care of it? Do the bridesladies? Most important: who pays? (Foxy Mama would like to know the answer to that as well.) I need your help! Tell me everything you know about your experiences and bridal shower "etiquette," please. Or I'll be forced to give you the sad kitty eyes.
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11 comments:
See, my shower was a bit different. My aunt and my other mother (Emily's mom) planned and paid for my entire shower. They kinda kept the whole thing a secret, which was fun! But that isn't the case all the time. I know a few of the showers I've been too have been put on by the the close adult females in the brides life, so aunts, mom's, grandma's. I think it's totally just a case by case thing. Talk to your mom and bridesmaids about the cost and kinda figure out from there.
wish i could be of more help!
Everyone who goes must pay their own way. I suggest planning it to a T right for the tightest wallet!
Mine was simple, I don't have family,so two of my bosses threw my shower and paid for the whole thing, and no one had to travel. What I've always understood from showers I've been to for people that had family/friends strewn about, was that they had multiple showers. One were they live, if they have a lot of friends there, one at home, if they still have family/friends there, and the friends/wedding attendants that didn't live in either of those places traveled to one of them (usually the home one), and paid their own way. It was always my understanding that the hosts of the shower pay for the shower itself, but those in attendance take care of their own travel/arrangements.
Ignore my typos. I'm RIDDLED with them today.
I was originally just going to have a small shower at my house, hosted by the BMs, and pay for the food myself...and the BMs were going to pitch in for the rest.
MIL, however, booked a hall and offered to throw me a huge one. She paid for it all. The hall, the cake, the food, the gifts we gave away, ALL of it. I did the invites from work for really cheap.
I think depending on who "hosts" the shower, they take on the majority of the cost? BMs and MOH will probably help out too.
OK, so, in my opinion, the bridal shower should be where you are, even though it sucks that everyone has to travel, they will be willing to do that for you because you'd do it for them right?? This is your day, this is your time.
As far as money goes, this is very tricky and usually ends up being a free for all. Theoretically, you shouldn't have to worry about it at all! Your bridesladies and possibly mom should all be chipping in to help cover food, drinks, etc... and take care of getting a list together (with your help or with your mom's help) and sending out invites. This is a lot of work, but I was recently in a wedding and as such had to help plan and pay for the shower. It all ends up working out in the end I promise. Your bridesladies are going to be even more clutch than you can give them credit for. My friend had no idea, we were able to do everything as a surprise, we rented a space, got names and addresses from her mom, sent invites, got flowers for the tables, organized games, I made cupcakes and cookies, we ordered sandwiches from a nice cafe etc etc etc...
The point is, it's not so much money spread out amongst the bridesmaids and your mom, and you don't have to rent a space, find a nice restaurant that has space for you (please don't rent a space, I think it's a waste of money, restaurants don't charge rent), and then trust your girls. If you want anymore insight, details, etc... message me; I've been a bridesmaid twice this year!
I had two. I've lived all over too, so my maids hosted parties in two different places. Places that the majority of people could get to. My mom helped my maid of honor (my sister) with one. Whoever hosts pays. And hopefully you will have several maids helping host so that nobody is out a HUGE amount of cash. In my opinion anyway.
I agree that your bridal shower should be in DC, where you are living now. That way, you dont have to stress about traveling for it. The important people will make an effort to travel for you. In terms of paying - I think it should be your bridesmaids and dont think your mom should have anything to do with it. Unless she wants to host a second shower for you. Let your bridesmaids figure out how they are going to split the cost. My MOH took on most of the costs for mine since she didn't really ask the other girls for help even though they would have been willing to pitch in.
Anyways, try not to stress about it because this is something that should not involve you. You have enough to worry about!
My cousins hosted mine but they asked my aunts and close family to help with expenses. Although this is something that really you should not be stressing about!!:)
I stress over pretty much everything so I totally get why a.) you're thinking about this WAY in advance and b.) why you're taking on some stress even though it's totally not at all something you need to worry about.
Ok, having said that, I can really only speak from the two shower experiences I've had: one as a bride and the other as a BM. In both cases the BMs really didn't have anything to do with the shower. For mine, my "aunts" (my mom's bffs) planned and paid for the whole thing. I told my BMs if they could make it, great. If not, it's ok. As Claire said above, my mom and her aunt planned/paid for hers and the BMs, again, didn't contribute and it was ok if they couldn't make it. It all comes down to the people in your life and who wants to and can afford to help.
As for place...I think you should do it at home, in NY. As long as you give them enough advance notice, people will come because they love you and want to be there for you. It'll all work out, my friend :)
I stressed over this, too! My family is mostly in Florida (okay, my mother's entire family is in Pennsylvania but they're all old or distant. There are literally 100s of them) but my MOH is in Los Angeles and another bridesmaid is in Colorado. I only had one bridesmaid within an hour of me.
One day while moping about this to my mom she came up with an idea. She and my MIL threw me a family centered shower in Orlando. My bridesmaid in Orlando was able to attend this one, which was smaller but a lot of fun. It was great to be supported by strong women in my life.
Then, two nights before the wedding - when all of my bridesmaids were finally in town (Except the one from Orlando who had to work late that day) we did a local one with a lot of our friends. This one had less presents but a lot more games and fun.
It was great having two showers as their styles were extremely different and they each meant so much to me.
So. After that novel. I'd say go with the flow. Be ready for a bit of disappointment (like the bachelorette party - so hard with friends spread out!) but the more flexible you are, the more experiences you'll be able to share in!
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