I'm warning you now that this post is going to be a little rant-y.
A bloggy friend recently wrote a great post titled "5 most annoying things about getting married." Number 5 on the list was the fact that people start acting like getting hitched is a death sentence - that you'll never be "free" again, that you're life is over, etc and so forth. Miss Petit Four also lightly touched on the subject here.
This got me thinking. Recently, a (commitment-phobic) acquaintance and I were talking about my upcoming nuptials, and he decided to use the analogy that getting married was like jumping off a plane.. but worse, because, according to him, 3 out of 4 marriages fail. He proceeded to ask me that if you were told that 3 out of 4 parachutes fail when you jump out of a plane, would you still do it? In other words, since 3 out of 4 marriages fail, why even bother?
I didn't really know what to say to that, aside from wanting to tell him to possibly keep his mouth shut. But it did make me think; knowing that more and more marriages have a tendency to not work out in this day and age, why do some of us - why do I - bother doing it in the first place?
I guess you can say that I don't come from a family of the best "examples." My mom and dad have been separated/divorced since I was about 7 or 8. My dad's parents are also divorced, and I know my mom sometimes wonders if her parents were truly happy together. That being said, both my mom and my dad have found true, honest happiness in their second marriages, which something beyond wonderful. In addition, Mr. Foxy comes from a family with a high marriage success rate - his mom and dad have been married for around 40 years, and his sister and brother-in-law are already up to about 15 years together.
The thing is, his family and his values inspire me. Maybe it's because of that, or maybe it's because I want different for myself than what happened to my parents (divorce is a super big fear of mine).. but I am so completely, 110% committed to making mine and Foxy's marriage work, regardless of what the statistics say. And I know he is, too. He has told me on more than one occasion, when I get scared and doubtful that marriages can actually last a lifetime (yes, I'm definitely affected by my parents' divorce, I'm working on it), that he wouldn't have asked me to marry him in the first place if he had any question in his mind that we couldn't make it "all the way." Till death do us part, and then some.
Just hearing him say that brings my confidence in our marriage back up to 1000000%. And it makes me feel really sorry for people who feel the need to put other people down because of their decision to get married to the one they love. I know that we all have our issues - that some people don't believe in marriage because it hasn't worked for them, etc - and I get it. That's fine; we all have our own opinions and beliefs. But you don't need to run around telling other people who are about to get married that it's not going to work, that they are silly for venturing into it.
So, why am I bothering getting married if 3 out of 4 (such an exaggeration, IMO) of them apparently fail?
Because I believe in it. And because want to. That's why.
Please keep in mind that this all just personal opinion.. feel free to agree/disagree/whatever!
10 comments:
No need to apologize! We all need to rant from time to time. I agree with you 100%: when I heard that the divorce rate had gone from 50% to 75%, it didn't phase me at all, I believe that I will never do this again, that I've found the one, and I believe we're getting married because we want to and we're doing it for all the right reasons. So all the non-believers can take a hike, and stay single, maybe if they'd stop going into it with such a bleak outlook, the divorce rate would start going down!
Also, his parents are also divorced, and he's been divorced once, so, I know, you look around and see not so happy things, but EVERY situation is unique, just because it happened between a certain two people, does not by any means mean that it will happen between a different two people!
Ugh annoying. A lot of guys came up to my during my bachelorette party and said stuff to me. I realized that people are probably just jealous. Jealous that you have found someone that you truly love and want to commit yourself to. I dont have the best examples for marriage either (my parents got divorced when I was 15) but Noah and I are not them. And it seems like you realize that for you and Scot too!
I'm going to try really hard to not get rant-y here but one of my biggest pet peeves with getting married is how many stats people want to share with you about the success of marriage.
Stats can be manipulated to say anything we want them to say, and to argue any point. So just don't listen to them.
And tell that guy to keep his trap closed because he doesn't actually know what he is talking about and you need positive encouragement. Not his crap.
I haven't seen the "75%" statistic, and I'm a little surprised it's that high.
Anyway, I hope that statistic DOES make people reconsider getting married. I think a lot of people get married for the WRONG reasons and don't fully understand the magnitude of the decision they are making. Your friend is a good example of someone who may be a good candidate for the "no marriage" thing. There's nothing wrong with someone who decides not to get married if they know that's not what they want, just like there is nothing wrong with a couple who does decide that marriage is right for them.
People that go on and on about how horrible marriage is annoy me just as much as people who think marriage is the only way to go.
:)
I'm so glad that you have someone like Scot to give you that confidence, only you two know whether your marriage will make it and it sounds like it will. Screw commitment-phobic guy!
great post!!! who gives a crap what others say? people are going to be negative no matter what - it's up to you to prove them wrong (or not care at all) :)
If you look at the failure rate for almost anything, then the same argument could be applied. Why bother dieting? Most people don't succeed. Why go to college? Might not graduate. Why take your drivers test at 16? Might fail it the first time. Why apply for a job? Probably not going to get that one.
But I'm sure that person has done all, or at least a few, of those things during their life. And I'm sure no one was there to tell them what the stats for failure were on them, either. It's the classic, "I'm afraid to go out on a limb, so I'm going to make it sound like it's stupid for you to do it" argument. Weak. Ignore.
I agree with you! (I haven't seen the failure rate at 75% Last one I seen was at 48%) I hate when people try to surround you with their negative energy. If they want to be like that, why even leave the house? You might die!
I completely agree with you. I am taking a family law class right now and we are learning all about divorce and honestly, it can get depressing. But it doesn't have to turn out that way for everyone! There are tons of happy, successful marriages out there, and there's no reason yours won't be one of them!!
yea I believe it's really 50% but really that's not much better, it's still really high. But we can change that, we can prove people wrong, we can be the couples that still provide some people with hope in this world. I think something like 40% of people drop out of college their first year, too..but does that mean you should never consider even trying it if you want to? that statistic shouldn't make people not want to marry, it should make people want to try harder to make their marriage work when the going gets tough. good for you, and make no apologies on that.
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