The fact is, I am coming to terms with my religion right now, and Mr. Foxy is an athiest (not agnostic).
Getting married in a church just wouldn't make any sense for either of us. Religion was a huge part of my childhood (and I am determind to make it a part of our future children's, as well), but I am a different person now than I was then. I also wouldn't feel right "making" Foxy get married in such a way that he's uncomfortable with the whole thing.. it just doesn't make sense.
So, we're not getting married in a church. I was concerned about how my parents would receive this since they are both Lutheran pastors, and both sides of my family are fairly religious. But I am just now finally able to say.. they'll have to deal with it. It's mine and Foxy's wedding, and this is what we are choosing for ourselves.
That doesn't make it any less hard, though. I still consider myself spiritual, and I would like at least a little God in our ceremony. I don't want to get married by a random person who knows nothing about me or Foxy, but at the same time, I don't want a pastor who will impose religion and God into the ceremony in ways we don't want it.
The trick is to find a family friend who is also a pastor to officiate our wedding, who will allow us to have significant control over what goes into the ceremony, while still offering some guidance. I have someone in mind, but have not yet broached the subject with that person. I am hopeful but cautious. It's much more of a fine line to walk than I initially thought it would be, but I'm ok with that, as long as it's perfectly us.
How did you decide what kind of ceremony to have, and who to officiate it?
8 comments:
We didn't get married in a church either, and our fairly religious families didn't seem to mind. A friend of Andrew's (who is a pastor) officiated our wedding and we had a lot of say in the wording. I think it turned out perfect--not imposing, but not completely lacking. You'll find someone who is willing to work with you!
I am in the same boat as you religiously. Except different religion and non-pastor parents.
My mom grew up with no religion and my dad grew up Catholic dragged (he hated it) to church every Sunday. When my parents first started dating my mom was pretty much an outcast to my dad's parents because she wasn't religious and she felt really uncomfortable with this and confused.
So she made the decision when she had kids (hey that's me!) to give us a choice. She enrolled us in Catholic public school. We still didn't go to church much, just on holidays, but I was a pretty religious tyke. I loved God and Jesus and believed it all, and feared any conversation that said otherwise.
Then I went to a public high school and it started to die down, but I still had a pretty big faith...
Then I went to University and learned about ALL the religions and I decided religion is stupid. How can only one be right? How can we have wars over religion.
Enter spiritualism. I believe in God, a higher power, whatever you wish to call it. I believe in respecting others, and no stealing (don't steal a life, don't steal the truth aka lying, don't steal in general).
Stewart pretty much is the same in this department. He was Christian going up and a JAG (I know them as alter boys)... and active in his church, but he feels kind of how I feel.
I won't be married in a church - but outside (hopefully) in nature, where I feel closest to God and the beauty of the world.
Officiants... well my best friend's sister is getting married this summer and they asked their really close mutual friend to do the officiant test thingy to be able to marry them. I think I'll do something like that. I want my wedding to be intimate (with my closest 100-200 friends)... and having some stranger officiant doesn't make any sense to me.
p.s. sorry for the novel
We're getting married in the Presbyterian church, which irks his catholic parents, but its how we'll raise our children, and what we practice.
I hope that your friend is open to the idea of performing your ceremony. I'm fairly religious and so is my family but we got married on a beach by a family friend who is also a pastor. It was awesome. He sat down with us several times before we got married so we could discuss what we wanted/didn't want in our ceremony and it turned out great.
Good luck to you! It will work out and your wedding will be just as you and Scot want it. :)
I think it sounds like your approaching your different religious backgrounds with a good understanding and somewhat common ground, which is good. I'm not religious, my fiance was raised catholic. We're getting married in a catholic church and do plan to raise our children catholic, but I'm not converting. Religion gets complicated!
We are both atheists, and we are having a judge marry us. We've gotten a few comments from family members who don't agree with our way of life and choice of officiant, but it's PERFECT for us. We're really happy with our choice.
I think it's great that you decided to do what's right for you both. Initially we weren't going to be married in a church, mostly out of convenience, and it caused drama. After we changed our venue, we found a church and asked my uncle (who is a pastor) to head up the ceremony. Good luck!!
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